


Mirror

by orphan_account



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Gen, Human AU, Mirror 'Verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:51:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9414731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: As humans, the four ninja turtles find themselves facing Shredder and the Kraang again. During a confrontation  with Shredder, Raphael and Michelangelo encounter a fear-inducing gas that's straight out of a Batman film. The brothers discover Shredder's plans...but Raphael is already fighting his own battle.





	1. Chapter 1

“All right, split up. Donnie and I will set up the machine on the roof.” Leonardo said, absentmindedly twirling his katana blade. “Raph and Mikey, get in from the ground floor.”

Raphael groaned loudly. “Why can’t _you_ go with Mikey?”

“Hey!” came Mikey’s indignant huff. Raph glared at the younger ninja from under his dark bangs.

“Because our mission cannot fail.” Leonardo replied, meeting Raph’s angry stare when he turned back toward his brother. “We _have_ to get the machine set up.”

“We both know I’m the better fighter. _I_ should be the one protecting Donnie as he sets up the machine.” Raphael snapped.

Leonardo narrowed his eyes. “Only sometimes. We need you and Mikey to create a diversion.” Leonardo smirked. “I don’t have to tell you that when you fight, you get a _lot_ more people involved.”

Raphael smiled humorlessly. “So be it.”

“Let’s go.” Leonardo said to the other three. He and Donatello, who had a pack bulging with wires and computer hardware strapped to his back, leaped up and caught the bottom rung of the fire escape ladder. Within moments, they were already two floors above Michelangelo and Raphael, climbing up the fire escape stairs.

But Mikey and Raph had not stayed to watch them. They had dashed towards the rear door of the building; upon finding it locked, Raphael and his brother had simply kicked it down. An alarm rang throughout the building at this.

“Let’s get this party started!” Mikey shouted gleefully as they entered. Raphael rolled his eyes and unsheathed his twin sai blades. They ran through the darkened hall, red lights flashing intermittently overhead as the alarm blared in their ears. It was getting on Raphael’s nerves, and he silenced the alarm with a punch to the control box the second he saw it.

“Shredder minions, come out, come out, wherever you are.” Mikey called out softly in the now-quiet. An excited grin played across his face, and he spun his nunchucks eagerly. But though it had been nearly three minutes since they’d set off the alarm, no one had come to investigate. Raphael was starting to worry: perhaps everyone had already run to the roof, and Donnie and Leo were being forced to fight them off. The grin fell off Mikey’s face; likely the same thought had crossed his mind.

“You’re gonna have to be louder.” Raphael ordered. “ _Hey!!_ ” he bellowed into the hall.

“Come and get us, you mangy freaks!” Mikey shouted as they ran. They rounded a corner; the hall ended in two double doors. Mikey paused, but Raphael charged headlong into the doors, forcing them open.

“Come on!” he barked at Mikey. The doors had opened up into a darkened warehouse-like room, which extended upwards about three floors, and covered at least half the building’s base. Scaffolding ran across the room overhead. Raphael took the stairs next to him three at a time, hoping to get a better vantage point. To his delight, several of Shredder’s henchmen—soldiers in the Foot Clan— were occupying the far end of the room, and had only just now realized who it was that had entered.

“Hello, minions!” Mikey called out to them. “Ready to fight?” Raphael glanced around them and noticed a better location across the room: a platform against the wall connecting three parts of the scaffolding bridges together.

“Over here!” he shouted to Mikey, and ran towards the platform just as the henchmen were running up the stairs. He and Mikey assumed their fighting stance, both grinning. However, Mikey’s smile was alight with fun, while Raphael’s was deeply colored with aggression. The henchmen met them, but thanks to Raphael’s planning, the two ninja were easily able to fight them off, sending several falling to the ground a story below them.

“This is too easy.” Raph remarked to Mikey.

“Is this the best you got?” Mikey yelled out to the henchmen in reply. To both their surprise, the henchmen suddenly stopped and pulled the dark fabric down off the bottom halves of their faces. Immediately they replaced the fabric with gas masks, and stood still, as if awaiting a command. Raphael narrowed his eyes, watching them carefully.

Mikey smacked his arm, and he turned towards him, a cutting insult on the tip of his tongue. But Mikey gestured with a nod up to the third floor of the scaffolding, where a tall man clad in dark red robes stood.

“What up, Shredder?” Mikey called. Raphael growled and reassumed his fighting stance, glaring up at Shredder. Disappointingly, Shredder did not make a move, except to raise his arm and point towards one of his henchmen standing across from him, also on the third floor. Raphael squinted up at Shredder. Something wasn’t quite right about his face. He took a few steps forward towards the edge of the platform, trying to get a better view. Curiously, Shredder was wearing a similar gas mask to the ones his henchmen were wearing.

“Okay, this is weird.” Mikey remarked.

“Yeah, ya think?” Raphael replied sarcastically, turning back towards his brother. Just then, a powerful spray of yellow-brown gas shot out of the wall next to Mikey’s head. He jerked away from the spewing fumes, gagging, eyes squeezed shut. An instant later the gas hit Raphael, and he began coughing. His eyes watered as his throat was set aflame by the toxic fumes.

“Raph!” Mikey choked. “I can’t breathe!”

“Pull your shirt up over your nose!” Raph replied hoarsely. About to follow his own advice, he looked back at Shredder and the henchmen. He froze at what he saw.

The stuff of nightmares greeted him.

Fear roared through Raphael’s brain as he stared at the gruesome figures before him. The instinct to fight, which was normally so strong, dwindled to a tiny spark.  His hands shook as he gripped his sai blades, and he nearly dropped them. Behind him, he heard Mikey utter a strangled cry. He turned to his brother; Mikey’s eyes were wide, and he was backing away from the monsters before them. The tiniest glimmer of reason poked through the blanket of terror clouding Raphael’s thinking. He grabbed Mikey by the arm, before the youth got any closer to the gas spewing from the wall.

“Don’t get so close, idiot!” Raphael snapped, his usual bravado replaced by a voice that quavered in terror and choked on the gas. He clenched his teeth and turned back towards the henchmen, attempting to force the fear out of his head and reignite the fighting flame.

No such feat would be accomplished then. Another look at the terrifying figures in front of him, and all of Raphael’s courage was swept away. Without even thinking of the consequences of not completing their mission, he bolted down the stairs, dragging Michelangelo with him. The henchmen followed closely on foot, but neither ninja bothered to fight them off. Their only thought was to escape the terror as fast as possible.

They crashed through the doors they had entered, in time to see Donatello and Leonardo leap down from the fire escape. The crisp night air cleared Raphael’s senses the tiniest bit, and he was able to comprehend that his brothers had been successful in setting up the machine. Leonardo saw the henchmen trailing behind Mikey and Raph, realized that they were in a very bad tactical position, and bolted to the van.

“Come on!” he shouted, starting it up. Donatello vaulted into the passenger seat, while Mikey and Raph careened through the opened side door.

“Go!” Raphael barked, slamming the door shut. His heart was racing faster than it ever had in his life. The van peeled out of the alleyway, knocking both him and Mikey to the floor.

“Sorry!” Leo called. Raph shakily got to his knees, gripping a sai blade in one hand and bracing himself against the side of the van. They weren’t going fast enough, and those creatures were going to get them…

But no, they had escaped. Donatello had flipped open his laptop and was busy punching in commands, activating the machine. Raphael sheathed the blade and clenched his fists to keep them from shaking. He sat on the floor of the van, his back to the wall. He forced himself to breathe deeply and evenly.

“Systems coming online…” Donatello said, watching the readouts.

“How long do we have until they find it, you think?” Leo asked, driving the van almost recklessly through the empty streets.

“Minutes, if we’re lucky.” Donatello replied, typing furiously.

“Make sure you’re subtle. We don’t want them figuring out who planted the bug.” Leo said.

In the back of the van, Raphael and Michelangelo paid no attention to the conversation. Raph had taken his red mask off and was clenching it in his fist. Slowly, painfully slowly, he pushed the fear out of his head. However, every bump of the van sent it roaring back for a split second, before he realized Leo had only hit a pothole and a vicious creature wasn’t trying to get in. He looked over at Mikey.

What he saw sent his veins cold.

Usually, if Mikey hadn’t scored the shotgun position, he was leaning through the open window separating the front from the rear of the van, joyfully recapping how brilliantly he’d fought that day. His face would be alight with the joy of the victory, and joke after joke would be flying from his mouth. It drove Raphael crazy.

But now Mikey sat with his knees drawn up to his chest, fists pressed against his temples and his eyes squeezed shut. His orange mask dangled around his neck. He was obviously trying to mimic Raphael by breathing deeply, but his breath shuddered with each inhale and exhale. Normally Raphael would have mocked such a display of weakness, especially if it came from Michelangelo.

Instead, he reached out and put a gentle hand on Mikey’s shoulder. Mikey flinched, nearly falling to the floor as Leo rounded a corner just then. He realized it was merely his brother, and he opened his eyes and lowered his shaking hands.

“You okay?” Raphael asked softly. Michelangelo opened his mouth, closed it again, and shook his head. He looked away and shut his eyes tight against the tears that trickled down his crumpled face. Raphael reached out again, gently pulling his brother close to him. Mikey collapsed against his chest, and Raphael wrapped his arms tightly around him. He felt Mikey grip fistfuls of his jacket as his brother shook with uncontrollable sobs. It was everything Raphael could do to not break down along with his already broken brother.

“It’s okay.” he whispered, struggling to keep his voice steady. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

The words had no effect on the  young ninja, and he continued to cry. But, for Raphael, the act of comforting his brother helped to wash the fear out of his brain. Just a little bit, but it was enough to keep him from lashing out in frustration. He shut his eyes tight  and rested his forehead on the top of Mikey’s head.

“We’ve got it!” Donatello cried triumphantly from the front seat. He and Leonardo exchanged a high five. Donatello turned back to his other brothers, smiling widely and running a hand through his wavy brown hair. But his face immediately fell when he saw the condition they were in.

“Uh oh.” he whispered.

* * *

 

Mikey had fallen asleep in his brother’s arms—or passed out, Raphael wasn’t sure which—before they reached their underground home. He only knew that thankfully Michelangelo was still breathing. Raphael had ignored Leonardo’s and Donatello’s worried questioning, his only movement being to raise his head and stare grimly at the closed door of the van.

Leonardo parked the van in the abandoned subway tunnel and jumped out. He threw the side door open, and only then did Raphael move. He carefully scooped up Mikey and carried him out of the van in silence. Splinter, their mentor, hurried out of the compound.

“Were you successful…What _happened?_ ” the older man demanded. And still Raphael said nothing. He didn’t trust himself to speak without completely losing his composure. He kicked the partially opened door all the way open and made his way to the room Mikey shared with Donnie, trailed by his brothers and Splinter.

“Raphael, I am ordering you to tell us what happened. Immediately.” Splinter said severely. Raphael gulped, the idea of disobeying his adoptive father sending the usual sense of foreboding in a cold wave down his back. But instead he carefully laid Mikey down on his bunk. He rested his arm on the upper bunk and watched his brother for a moment. Michelangelo’s breath was coming evenly now, and he appeared to be in a deep, peaceful sleep. Raphael took a deep breath, and turned to face everyone else. His harsh façade was back in place, his features set in a stern gaze.

“We met Shredder in that building.” he said flatly.

“Did you fight him?” Leonardo asked, horrified. It had been drilled into the ninja repeatedly that they were not to go after Shredder unless they were all together.

“No.” Raphael replied. He pushed through the group, grabbing Donatello by the shoulder and turning him around. “Come on.” he said, marching towards Donatello’s lab.

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes later, Raphael sat on one of the counters in the lab, arms crossed. The others were either leaning against a counter or sitting on a lab stool. Donatello alternated between studying a sample of Raphael’s blood in a microscope and analyzing readouts on a computer screen. Raphael had explained what had happened in the warehouse, and everyone was silent and somber.

“Oxycontin.” Donatello said finally, looking up from his microscope. “It must’ve been highly concentrated to have that effect.”

“Mikey was right next to the vent when the gas went off.” Raphael said, anger coloring his voice as he glared at the lab bench in front of him. Leonardo, who was standing next to Raph, rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder. But Raphael roughly shook it off.

“How do we get it out of their system?” Splinter inquired.

“It would appear that Mikey’s already done that himself.” Donatello replied. “Epinephrine and cortisol build up in the body when we’re afraid. The only way to get it out is through tears or sweat. You know how you see people cry sometimes when they get really upset? Or how exercising makes you feel more relaxed when you’re done? That’s why.”

Splinter nodded thoughtfully, turning to Raphael. The ninja was gripping his upper arms tightly without realizing it as he scowled into the distance, lost in thought. He had heard what Donatello had said, but he would _not_ cry. He was still on edge, struggling not to flinch at every little unknown sound. Clenching his jaw in frustration, he didn’t hear Splinter ask him a question.

“What?” Raph asked.

“I said, how are you feeling, Raphael?” Splinter asked. Raphael shrugged.

“I’m fine.” he said bluntly.

Everyone was silent for a moment, and Raphael looked over to see that Donatello and Leonardo were shooting him a disbelieving stare.

“The toxin is still in your blood, genius.” Donnie chided Raphael, gesturing towards his microscope.

Raph rolled his eyes and hopped off the counter.

“I’ll go do a workout if it’ll make you guys feel better.” he snapped, stalking out of the room.

“Do you want to spar?” Leo called after him.

“No!”

* * *

 

Raphael had stripped his jacket off and chucked it near the closed door of the training room. Hands wrapped and sleeves rolled up, he alternated between punching and kicking the bag that hung from the ceiling. He was tired from his fight earlier that evening, yet he still pushed himself to throw all his weight behind every punch and kick. In his mind, he was back in the warehouse, attacking the normal looking henchmen. But he let his frenzied thoughts continue, and he recalled the terrifying gargoyles that the gas had tricked him into seeing. He _knew_ they weren’t real, but that didn’t stop his heart from racing and his legs going weak from fear.

Growling in frustration, Raphael renewed his attack on the punching bag. _Why isn’t this working?_ he thought angrily. Unwillingly, the memory of the fear on Mikey’s face flashed into his mind. Raphael’s shirt was still damp from his little brother’s tears; he tensed as the cold, damp fabric shifted on his chest. His hands shook as he hit the bag. Raph gritted his teeth and tried to force the fear out of his head.

Suddenly he realized that he had led Mikey into that trap. Furthermore, he had bolted from the building without even thinking of what the consequences would have been if Donnie and Leo hadn’t been finished on the roof. Raphael knew he should have been able to fight those henchmen, gas or no. But the chemical was still racing through his veins. His punches grew weaker and weaker with fear as he remembered, despite his best efforts at regaining his composure Gathering his remaining strength, he launched into flying kick directed at the punching bag. However, he had misjudged the distance and the force of his leap. His foot slipped off the bag and he landed hard on his back. Raphael lay there for a moment, breathing heavily and watching the bag swing overhead. He felt weak, useless, and as terrified as a child.

Raphael rolled out from under the bag and sprang to his feet. With a scream of frustration, he tried once more to punch the bag. Another memory surged through his mind, terrifying him all over again. He collapsed mid-punch to the floor. He gave up and simply lay curled up on the floor, eyes closed, tears streaming down his face. _This is why I’m not the leader_ he thought.

After a long while, Raphael’s thoughts quieted down. He heard the door open, but he didn’t bother to move. He no longer cared who saw him so weak. He’d already proven his worthlessness at the warehouse. The sound of bare feet padding on the mat grew louder, and stopped by Raphael’s ear. Someone smaller than he knelt next to him, and he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey.” came Mikey’s quiet voice. Raph opened his eyes and looked up into the face of his brother. Mikey had changed out of his fighting clothes into sweats and a t-shirt. He smiled at Raphael, thought there was definite fatigue and concern in his eyes.

“You just gotta let it out, man.” Mikey said sympathetically. Raph sighed and sat up.

“Yeah. I got that.” he said. This time there was no hint of sarcasm in his tired voice. Unease still flickered in his mind, and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Mikey moved forward and wrapped his arms around his brother in a hug. Raphael froze for a split second, then returned the hug. He could physically feel the tension leaving his shoulders as he finally relaxed.

“I think we’re gonna be okay.” Mikey said, pulling away. Raphael simply nodded and stood. Suddenly he felt dizzy, and he groaned in exhaustion.

“Ohh, man. I need a nap.” he said, pressing the heels of both hands against his temples.

Mikey chuckled and stood. “Go get your beauty sleep. Your face could break a mirror right now.” he said. Raphael punched his brother on the shoulder.

“Ouch! You’re such a jerk.” Mikey laughed. Raphael shook his head, smiling a bit as he started to leave the room. However, he stopped after picking up his jacket and turned to face Mikey.

“Go tell Donatello to make us some gas masks.” he said seriously. “We are _not_ leaving here without some kind of protection from that gas. Ever.”

Mikey nodded. “I think he’s already on it. But I’ll go check.”

“Good.” Raphael replied, holding the door for his brother as they left the training room.


	2. Chapter 2

The clock read 10:30 PM when Raphael entered his room, toweling off his hair from his shower. He and his brothers usually went to bed anywhere between 11:00 PM and 3:00 AM, depending on how long their mission or patrol took them. So it was anyone’s guess when Splinter would send the others to bed. Raph’s eyes refused to stay open for longer than a few seconds, however. Having already told the others what had happened in the warehouse, he knew there would be no more useful discussion of the mission until sometime tomorrow, when Donnie’s computers finished doing whatever it was they were doing.

Raph flicked off the lamp and climbed into the bottom bunk. Only when he was comfortable did he realize that light was slipping into the room under the closed door. Raphael sighed and leaned out of his bed, his fingertips brushing the towel he’d tossed to the floor. After a few moments’ grasping, he caught hold of the towel, sat up, and threw it at the crack. It landed nearly perfectly… except for the last two inches before the door met the near side of the wall.

“Come _on_.” Raphael muttered, throwing the blankets off himself and stalking over to the door. He kicked the towel in place, blocking out all the light, and flopped back into his bunk. Raph shut his eyes and felt sleep wash over him.

* * *

 

Two hours later Leo cracked the door open and tiptoed into the room he shared with Raphael. His brother was naturally an extremely light sleeper—a good quality in a ninja, but also one that often resulted in a fight when Leo accidentally woke Raphael. Leo squinted through the near-dark at his brother, and noted that he was still asleep. However, Raph’s brows were furrowed and his fists were clenched as he lay curled on his side, likely in reaction to a nightmare. Leonardo wondered if that was a result of the oxycontin— _hopefully not; Mikey seems to have gotten off okay_ he thought. After silently shutting the door and kicking the towel back in place, Leo had grasped the ladder on the bunk bed when Raphael’s breath quickened and he stirred. Leo winced; he had used his best ninja stealth, and _still_ managed to wake Raphael? Eyes now used to the dark, Leonardo watched his brother, who was staring confusedly at the far wall. Raph then sat up and met Leo’s eyes.

“Did Donnie make us some gas masks?” Raph asked, his voice strained with exhaustion. Leo wondered if his brother was fully awake.

“Yeah.” Leo replied quietly. “We just got done testing them.”

“Good.” Raph lay back and stared up at the top bunk. Leo climbed up to the top bunk and cocooned himself in his blankets.

“’Night, Raph.”

“’Night.”

Leo’s head hit the pillow, but he did not fall asleep immediately. He forced himself to listen to Raph’s breathing, unwilling to fall asleep until he knew his younger brother had. This kind of protectiveness had earned him a punch more than once when Raph had caught on. But Leo had never seen Raph that close to breaking until that evening, and he worried the effects of the drug were not as short-lived as Mikey had made them seem to be.

An hour passed, and still Raph had not fallen asleep. Leo could hear him tossing and turning every few minutes. At this point, however, despite his wishes, Leo’s eyes continued to drift shut. _Just go to sleep, Raph!_ he thought, both anxious and annoyed. Raph turned over again, and Leo sighed. He leaned over the edge of the bunk so that he was staring down at Raphael. Raph was tangled in his blankets as he lay on his side, one arm up under his pillow. He flicked his gaze up at Leo.

“What’s goin’ on, dude?” Leo asked softly.

Raphael shrugged and looked away. “Can’t sleep.” he muttered.

Leonardo blinked. “Think it’s the gas?”

“No.” Raphael replied, rubbing his eyes. “Leo…” He looked up again. “What if the masks don’t work? If they slip even the tiniest bit while we’re fighting…” Raph looked away. “I tried to fight, but I just _couldn’t_.”  He narrowed his eyes. “We can’t breathe _any_ of that gas…it’ll be a disaster…”

Leo frowned, confused at the unnatural worry in his brother. “Hey.” he said, voice low. “That’s not gonna happen. Okay?” Raph did not react. Leo sighed again and swung himself out of the bunk, landing noiselessly. “Get up.” Raph looked up at him.

“Huh?”

“Get up, Raph.” Leo said, opening the window to let in the crisp November air that came down through the subway ventilation shaft. He turned to see that Raph had obeyed him, and was standing near the foot of the bunk bed, hands hanging at his sides.

“Leo, what…”

“Raph, you’re exhausted. I’m exhausted. And neither of us are going to get any sleep if you don’t chill out.” Leo said.

Raphael clenched his fists and scowled. “I don’t see how it’s your problem.” he snapped. “You could sleep through a tornado… _What_ are you doing?”

Leo had ignored his brother’s outburst and threw the jumbled covers on the bottom bunk to the foot of the bed. He then proceeded to put the sheet back in place, neatly, then both blankets. He flipped the pillow over to the cool side, then turned back to Raphael. His younger brother was standing silently with his arms crossed, shivering slightly as the room cooled. Raphael glared at Leonardo in a mixture of fatigue and anger, but… could it be? The tiniest bit of gratitude shone in Raphael’s green eyes.

“You need to stop worrying now.” Leo said firmly. “We’re all safe, and you’re not going to change anything by over thinking what happened, or what _might_ happen. Got it?”

The stare-down lasted a second or two longer before Raphael exhaled and uncrossed his arms. “’Kay, Mister Micromanager.” he said, with only the tiniest edge in his voice as he moved towards his bed.

Leo smiled as he climbed the ladder. “Go to sleep, bud.”

* * *

 

Though Raphael had indeed gone back to bed, sleep still evaded him like the roadrunner taunting the coyote. Nearly limp with exhaustion, he alternated between staring at the wall, the upper bunk, and the back of his eyelids. Leo had fallen asleep long ago; Raph could hear him quietly snoring. The clock read 4:30 AM.

 _Okay, I can get two more hours if I fall asleep right now_ Raph thought. He shut his eyes and lay perfectly still. His muscles relaxed and his mind began to drift into a dream…

And then the dream stopped and he began thinking over, once again, the fight in the warehouse, the tactics he used, the tactics he could’ve used, what kind of training he’d had, what kind of training he might improve upon, the possible information Donnie computer might find…

Raphael opened his eyes.

4:35 AM.

Rolling onto his back, he pressed a fist against his temple. He bit back a growl, eyes shut tight in frustration. _Not again…_

* * *

 

At 5:30 AM, Raph gave up. He kicked off the re-tangled blankets and dragged himself out of bed. Goosebumps prickled on his arms, and he shut the window, careful not to make a sound. He grabbed his sneakers and tiptoed barefoot out of the room. Donnie’s and Mikey’s door was open, and Raphael caught a glimpse of his younger brothers sleeping soundly: Donnie on his stomach with his arm dangling over the edge of the top bunk, and Mikey sprawled on his back, snoring loudly. Raph slowed his pace as he passed Splinter’s room, and then the dojo, unsure if his adoptive father was awake.

Finally he made it to the entrance of the subway station, where a tunnel extended for about a mile before connecting to a different, still-used tunnel. Raph sat on the edge of the platform and laced up his sneakers. He then jumped down into the tunnel, near the edge of the tracks, and started to jog. His tired body refused to move faster than a shuffle, and his steady breathing was repeatedly interrupted by yawns. His throat burned with each intake of breath, but it was merely a passing observance rather than a real hindrance. The tunnel was dark, illuminated only by the light of the old station behind him and flickering orange lamps above him. But Raphael knew where every loose cobblestone was, and every uneven railroad tie was accounted for.

As he got closer to the end of the tunnel, his body finally began to get used to the strain he was putting on it, and he started to pick up the pace. He tagged the wall barricading the tunnel from the rest of the subway system and began the return trip at an even clip. Two minutes later his pace was faster, and as another two minutes passed his heart rate and breathing quickened dramatically in response to his gradual increase in speed. Arms pumping, feet kicking up loose pebbles, he tore down the tunnel at full speed. For a few moments he rode on a wave of adrenaline, his exhaustion somewhere back in the tunnel.

Just as the adrenaline wore off, Raphael slowed to a stop at the station. He stood with his hands on his head for a few moments, grinning as he caught his breath. _Much better_. He jumped up, caught the edge of the platform, and swung up out of the tunnel, landing on his feet. His watch read 6:20 AM when he reentered their living area, and he listened for the others as he grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge. Leonardo stumbled into the kitchen, clad in his fighting clothes. He yawned and scratched his head, nodding at Raphael.

“Good run?” Leo asked his brother.

“Mm hmm.” Raph replied, guzzling the water. Leo drew a stool up to the counter and was reaching for a banana when Raph finished the bottle and hurried back to their room. Their morning training started promptly at 6:30, and anyone late was punished with an extra early session the next day. Which, after the night he’d had, was the last thing Raphael wanted to deal with.

At 6:29 AM, Raph was swallowing the last bite of a banana and following his brothers into the dojo. Splinter stood waiting for them, and Raphael raised an eyebrow at the gas masks in his hands.

“We gonna…” He stopped and coughed. His voice rasped in his throat and it hurt a little to talk—a delayed effect of the oxycontin gas. Mikey burst out laughing.

“What?” Raphael demanded, momentarily forgetting what he was going to ask Splinter.

“You sound like Batman.” Mikey giggled, his voice also hoarse and pitched slightly lower. The corner of Raphael’s mouth twitched upward.

“ _I’m_ the hero Gotham deserves.” he growled. The others laughed, and even Splinter smiled slightly.

“You will be training with these today.” Splinter said after a moment, answering Raphael’s unasked question. Raphael took his mask and strapped it in place. It smelled strongly of glue and rubber, and he glanced at Donnie, annoyed. His younger brother had just finished adjusting his own mask, and Raph saw his eyes narrow in a grimace.

“Sorry guys, I though the smell’d be out by now.” he said, voice echoing against the confines of the mask.

“You think darkness is your ally?” Mikey said, his hoarse voice cracking and sounding almost identical to that of Bane’s. “I was born in the dark! I didn’t come out of the sewers till I was a man!” Raphael laughed aloud, and Donnie giggled quietly.

“Guys, focus.” Leo admonished, though his crinkled eyes gave away the fact that he was hiding a smile. Mikey pulled his mask off, stuck his tongue out at Leo, then snapped the mask back into place.

“Michelangelo…” Splinter warned.

“Is nobody going to point out how weirdly similar last night was to that one Batman film?” Mieky demanded.

“Michelangelo!” Splinter said again, sharply. Raphael shrugged at Mikey.

“Okay, so we have to put the filters in place first.” Donnie explained, pulling  four disk-like objects, each about an inch thick, out of a box and handing them to the others. “These are dummy filters, so we don’t waste the real ones, which are made of a charcoal filter, as well as a chemical filter specifically designed to neutralize Oxycontin upon exposure—”

“Dude, just tell us how to put it on.” Raphael interrupted. Donnie glared at him and stepped closer.

“Like this.” he said. “See this notch? It’ll line up with this notch on the mask…” He pointed out the components on his own mask as he clicked the filter into place. He then moved to help Mikey and Leo. Raphael tried to mimic what Donatello had shown him, but ended up fumbling around for the specific notches. It took him a good thirty seconds before he got the filter in place.

“Forget this!” Mikey huffed, ripping off his mask and holding it in front of himself, where he could see it.

“No, don’t!” Donnie cried.

“Why?” Mikey demanded. “I can’t see what I’m doing. We’re not going to carry these things around unarmed, are we?”

“Because you will likely have to replace the filters mid-fight.” Splinter answered.

“What?” Leo and Raph exclaimed at the same time.

 Donnie nodded. “Based on the concentration of the gas Raph and Mikey were exposed to, the filters will only last fifteen minutes.” He clipped a belt containing several more filters to his waist. “The masks themselves have a filter, but that’ll only last about five minutes. Enough to keep us safe when we change the cartridges.”

“You will need to learn to replace them without effort.” Splinter continued as the others clipped on their belts. “Which you will practice on your downtime. Today you will adapt to fighting while wearing the masks.”

“Why can’t you just make a better gas mask?” Raph asked Donatello harshly, assuming a battle-ready stance. His body was shifted so that his left side was angled away from Donnie. His sai blades, both pointed at Donnie, were held in one arm bent at the elbow near his waist, and the other up near his head.

“Because to make the filter last longer would result in it being much larger and more cumbersome!” Donnie snapped, shifting to battle-stance and angling his bo for an attack.

“ _Hajime_!” Splinter ordered.

 Out of the corner of his eye, Raphael saw Mikey twirling his nun chucks. “Bring it, bro!” the youngest brother challenged the oldest. Raphael watched his other younger brother carefully as they shifted their weight, circling around each other.

“Heeyaaahhh!” Raphael yelled as he charged Donatello. Donnie caught Raph’s right sai with a twirl of the bo. The momentum of Raphael’s strike was forced down towards the floor. He quickly unhooked the blade from the staff before it spun up and wrenched his wrist. Raph then somersaulted out of the way as the bo flew towards his head. He kicked his legs out and caught Donnie’s left ankle. With a jerk, he pulled Donnie’s leg out from under him. Donnie yanked his left leg out of Raph’s grip, staggering slightly. Raphael leaped to his feet and charged Donnie again, this time purposefully catching his sai on the staff. He twisted the staff up towards Donnie’s face, wrenching it out of his hand. The sai in Raphael’s left hand flew towards Donnie’s neck, and both brothers froze, the cold steel resting against Donnie’s skin.

The mask was hot with Raphael’s quickened breathing, and sweat stuck it to his face like half-dried paint. Breathing heavily, he stepped back from Donnie, eyes narrowed in irritation. Normally a quick fight like that wouldn’t have been such an effort.

“I can barely _breathe_ in this thing.” he snapped at Donnie.

“All the more reason to train with it!” Splinter replied.

And so the morning progressed, with the brothers alternating between sparring and drilling, all the while gasping behind the hot rubber.

* * *

 

At the end of the training session, Raphael tore the mask from his face and mopped his forehead with the bottom of his shirt. Their drills had been sloppy, and they had barely been able to finish a sparring match without pausing for a brief rest.

The brothers sat on their knees in front of their Sensei. “I never want to do that again.” Mikey huffed. Their masks sat in a dejected heap in front of them; even Donnie seemed disappointed in what he’d worked so hard in making.

“Do not be discouraged, my sons.” Splinter began gently.

“ _You_ try fighting wearing one of those things!” Raphael shot back. Splinter narrowed his eyes, and Raph looked down.

“Sorry.” Raph muttered.

“You will encounter many difficulties in your lives. You are learning, here today, how best to overcome them.” Splinter said.

“I literally cannot breathe, Sensei!” Mikey complained. Donnie frowned and picked up Mikey’s mask.

“That might’ve been because the cartridge wasn’t all the way in place.” Donnie said, inspecting the mask. He held the mask to his face for a moment, then took it off with a nod. “The air intake was only halfway open.” Mikey rolled his eyes and wiped his sweaty light-brown bangs off his forehead as Donnie made an adjustment.

“Try now.” Donatello said, handing the mask back to Mikey. Michelangelo held the mask to his face and took a breath.

“It’s still hard to breathe, and it still stinks.” Mikey said shortly, tossing the mask back to the pile. Donnie sighed.

“What did I just say, Michelangelo?” Splinter demanded.

Mikey’s shoulders slumped and looked at the floor. “That good ninja don’t complain about stinky gas masks.”

“Precisely. Would you rather you’re your fighting be simply impeded by the gas masks, or be completely paralyzed with fear?”

Michelangelo flinched, and Raphael clenched his fists. “Maybe we _should_ learn to train with that gas, so we get immune to it or something.” Raphael said.

“Oh no. Bad idea.” Donnie replied quickly. “The side effects of long-term exposure are pretty nasty.”

“Batman did it.” Mike muttered.

“This isn’t a movie, Mikey!” Leonardo exclaimed. “Guys, we’re gonna have to make this work.”

“You won’t have to wear the masks every time you encounter the Foot, either.” Splinter said.

“Likely the gas is being used as a level of protection for whatever’s going on inside that building.” Donnie said thoughtfully.

“You will train with the masks until you are as proficient with the masks as you are without.” Splinter ordered.

“Hai, Sensei.” the brothers replied.

* * *

 

An hour later, all four ninja had gathered in Donnie’s lab, waiting more or less patiently for his computer to finish decrypting the data. Donnie sat at a hood a few feet from his computer, watching as oxycontin gas interacted with various materials. To his disappointment, all but the uncomfortable rubber was successful in blocking the gas. Leo sat near Donnie, flipping through a _Space Heroes_ comic. Raph sat slouched in a chair, feet up on a lower desk, reading his own magazine. Michelangelo, rather than finding a new comic book to replace the one he’d finished, had been amusing himself by digging through the lab equipment and poking at the experiments in progress. This had earned him several reprimands from all three of his brothers, and he was now confined to a stool several feet from Raph.

Sharp pain on his left ear interrupted Raph’s reading. He looked up towards the source. Mikey sat upon the stool, watching Donnie’s experiment intently. Raph narrowed his eyes at him and watched him for a few moments. Mikey’s eyes flicked over to Raph, then quickly away. Raph smirked; that was enough evidence. He sat back in his chair and pretended to read.

Ever so softly, he heard Mikey shift in the stool and slowly open a drawer. A plastic bag crinkled quietly. A moment’s pause…

Raph snapped his gaze over to his brother just as Mikey fired the rubber band. He caught it just before it hit his face. Mikey gulped and grinned sheepishly at Raphael’s glare.

“Guys, it’s finished!” Donnie cried. Mikey leaped off the stool, and he and Raph joined Leo in crowding around the computer.

“Took it long enough.” Raph remarked.

“There were over a billion pieces of data to decrypt and piece back together.” Donnie replied, scrolling through the information.

“Well, is it any use to us?” Leo asked.

“You better believe it…” Donnie trailed off, reading and scrolling too fast for anyone to keep up.

“Oh man…” Donnie said under his breath. “Oh, no, no, this is bad…”

“What?” the other three demanded. Donnie was silent for a few more seconds, eyes wide.

“Donnie, what is it?” Leo demanded. Donnie gulped.

“Turns out Shredder’s got an allegiance of some sort with the Kraang.” he replied.

“ _What?”_ Mikey cried.

“He’s replacing Foot soldiers with Kraang droids. And that’s not all…” Donnie was silent again as he scrolled.

“Nobody likes a cliffhanger, dude.” Raph snapped.

 Donnie looked up at him. “The city is about to be destroyed. This Friday.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Donnie, can you explain ‘osmosis’ to me? In English?” Mikey asked. He sat at the kitchen table, elbows on the tabletop and fingers wound through his hair as he glared at his chemistry textbook. Though it was 7:00pm, the brothers were not heading out for patrol; having yet to finish their homeschooling work, Raph, Leo, and Mikey were stuck in the kitchen. Donnie, however, had finished long ago. He had tried to help his brothers, but Splinter had walked in to find that he was practically doing his brothers’ assignments for them. He’d been ordered out of the kitchen, and had spent the last hour waiting impatiently in the living room, doing research on his laptop. Thirst and hunger demanded that he go back to the kitchen, and he was eager to see how his brothers were progressing. Leo was still writing, and Raphael had fallen asleep, his cheek pressed against the open book.

“Okay, say you’ve got a container full of water, with a permeable barrier…ah, a wall with little holes in it, dividing the container in half,” Donnie began as he filled up a glass. He turned and leaned against the sink, facing Mikey who had half turned towards him. “One side of the container has a higher concentration of a compound—” He paused as Mikey turned all the way around in his chair and shot him a withering look.

“Sorry.” Donnie said. He took a sip of water and moved towards the fridge. “One side has more ‘stuff’ in the water. Osmosis is when the stuff passes through the little holes and eventually there’s equal amounts of stuff on both sides.” He pulled open the fridge, looking for some juice to add to his water.

“Ahh.” Mikey turned back to the table. “Hey! Is Raph doing osmosis with the book? I mean, his face has little holes in it… like his nose here…wait, only one nostril is touching it…” Donnie turned from the fridge to see Michelangelo leaning over the table. Mikey stretched his arm and pressed the eraser end of his pencil against Raph’s nose, smooshing it towards the page. Raphael jerked awake and grasped Mikey’s hand in a death grip.

“Aah! Okay, sorry!” Mikey yelped.

“Done!” Leonardo flipped his book shut, grinning. Raphael let go of his brother’s hand and both ninjas frowned at their own unfinished assignments. Donnie sighed.

“How many do you guys have left?” Leo inquired, leaning over the table to look at Mikey’s work.

“Uh…Oh! Just nineteen, twenty-one, and twenty-three.”

“Oh…” Leo’s shoulders slumped.

“That’s only three problems! What’s the deal?” Donnie demanded.

“Because it goes 19 A, 19 B, 19 C, 19 D… and so on, for like half the alphabet. And the others are just like it.” Raph replied, resting his head on his left hand and scowling at the textbook. Mikey groaned and let his forehead hit the table.

“Oh yeah. Those ones.” Donatello said, furrowing his brows. It had taken him a good fifteen minutes to get through just one of the problems in question; Raph and Mikey were likely to take twice as long. Leo stood.

“Guys, we really need to get going… We were just gonna do an observation mission. Donnie and I can just go ourselves.” Leo said. Both Mikey and Raph jolted upright.

“Aww, Leo!” Mikey whined.

“Come on, dude, we can just finish this later!” Raph protested at the same time.

“Sensei’s not gonna let you do that.” Donnie replied uneasily.

“Are you gonna rat us out?” Raphael demanded, arms crossed and eyes narrowed defiantly.

“Your homework will speak for itself.” Leo admonished.

“Don’t go all leader-mode on us!” Raph snapped.

“I _am_ your leader!” Leo shot back. “And I’m saying you need to stay behind this time! We can’t risk you guys getting grounded.”

“Sensei wouldn’t ground us with the city in danger…Would he?” Mikey asked.

“No, he’d probably save it for later.” Donnie replied. “But he’d probably make it longer.” he added, causing the hopeful look to melt from Mikey’s face.

“I’m willing to risk it.” Raphael declared.

“I said ‘no’ already.” Leo retorted. “Besides, you guys aren’t exactly at 100%.”

“What? We’re _fine._ ” Raph glanced at Mikey, who nodded earnestly in agreement.

“Then why do you two still sound like Batman and Bane?” Leo asked.

“We do not!” the two shouted. Unfortunately, at that moment their voices cracked, and their assertions  were immediately disproved by Mikey’s coughing.

“Man _alive_ , that was bad timing.” Raph grumbled, picking up his pencil.

Leonardo smiled sympathetically and patted Raph on the shoulder.

“You guys won’t miss anything  we can’t take pictures of.” Donnie said.

“Yeah, we probably won’t see any action.” Leo added.

“Yeah, right.” Raph retorted.

“Famous last words, bro.” Mikey said.

* * *

 

“I have no idea if I’m doing this right.” Raphael said after a half hour of silence. Donnie and Leo were long gone, but Raphael and Michelangelo were still plodding through their homework.

“Me neither!” Mikey complained, pressing his palms against his forhead. “I seriously do not get this stuff.”

“Lemme see what you got.” Raph twirled his brother’s paper and frowned at the answer; it was vastly different from his own. “Well, maybe we can check the back of the book, see if we’re on the right track…”

“Oh yeah!” Mikey perked up and flipped to the end of the book.

“Are you _kidding me?”_ Raphael exclaimed.

 “Why do they only tell us how to do the even ones?!” Mikey cried.

Raphael slammed his own book shut. “Okay, look.” he said. “We tried. But we’re obviously not learning anything. We gotta call it quits, man. Donnie can explain it to us tomorrow.” Mikey flipped his book shut, nearly causing it to fall off the table. A moment passed, and then Mikey spoke.

“I’m hungry.”

* * *

 

Raph shivered as they climbed into their smaller, secondary vehicle: an old Toyota Corolla. He had suggested they take the van, in case they ran into any action. Mikey, however, had bolted through the freezing subway tunnel towards the car, yelling something about the stereo being broken in the van and his face freezing off if Raph didn’t hurry his butt up. Raphael had sprinted past his brother, just barely beating him to the driver’s side.

“Let’s get some heat going!” Mikey said, cranking the thermostat all the way up as Raph started the car. He drove through the tunnel, exiting the subway system via an old maintenance road. Sleet speckled intermittently on the windshield.

“My belly is craving Chinese food, bro.” Mikey announced, flicking through the songs on his iPod.

“Same.” Raph nodded, glancing both left, then right, then pulling into traffic. “Dude, are you buckled?” he asked, craning over his left shoulder as he merged.

“Eh, I trust your driving.” Mikey replied nonchalantly.

Raph narrowed his eyes as he returned his gaze to the front of the car. A reprimand was turned to a gasp as pizza cab peeled out of an alleyway, mere feet from Raph’s front bumper. Eyes now wide and adrenaline tensing every muscle, Raph slammed on the brakes. His right arm shot out and caught Mikey across the chest, slowing the youth’s collision with the dashboard. A loud slap was heard as Mikey caught himself with his palms against the dash, eyes shut tight, his head mere inches from smacking it.

_Honk honk!_

Raph glanced in the rearview mirror at the impatient car behind them and let go of Mikey. His heart pounding a frantic beat in his ears, he shifted the car into gear and shot his younger brother a glare as they drove on.

“Don’t make me tell you again.” Raph snapped. Mikey scooted back in his seat and begrudgingly buckled his seatbelt.

All was silent in the car, and the tension slowly cooled. Mikey had grabbed his iPod off the floor and plugged it into the stereo. Raph’s mind wandered off to the nonsensical musings of an exhausted teen; he was so deep in thought he had initially tuned out the song Mikey had started up. But he gradually became aware of a high-pitched female voice lamenting her relationship problems… and Mikey was singing along to the chorus. Raph grimaced in disgust and grabbed the iPod off the dashboard, yanking it out of the plugin.

“Ahh! Give it back, Raph!” Mikey cried, breaking off mid-verse. Raph rolled the window down, elbowing off a frantic Mikey.

“I told you, one more Taylor Swift song and this thing is going out the window.” Raph threatened, holding the iPod dangerously close to the dark chasm.

“Okay, okay! For crying out loud.” Mikey muttered as Raph tossed the iPod back to him. Raph rolled the window back up as Mikey swiped through the song  list.

“Ooh, you’ll like this one.” Mikey said. A guitar started up, then the drums began an easy beat that Raph couldn’t resist tapping his foot to as the band began to sing. He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, his humming drowned out by Mikey’s singing along to the chorus.

* * *

 

Raph sat leaning against the driver’s side door, deep in thought, one knee bent to his chest so his foot rested on his seat. Feet propped up on the dash, Mikey slurped his noodles, the only sound in the car.

“So here’s what I don’t get.” Raph broke the silence.

“Mm.” Mikey replied, mouth full of noodles.

“The Kraang couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn. Why are we sitting here eating take-out, letting Donnie and Leo just go peek at Shredder, when we could easily be taking out their hideouts one by one?” He took a bite of rice. “We’re just setting ourselves up for a bigger battle than we need to fight.”

“Stomp one ant , and the rest run. Stomp the anthill, and you’re done.” Mikey replied. Raph raised an eyebrow.

“Donnie made that one up, back when we had that ant problem in the kitchen.” Mikey explained.

“Huh. Fitting.” Raph nodded. “The Kraang aren’t ants, though. Shredder _definitely_ isn’t.”

Mikey giggled. “Duh! What’s your point, dude?”

“Well…” Raph trailed off; he could _feel_ in his gut why he didn’t like this plan, but he couldn’t put it into words. “I just don’t like it.”

“You don’t like anything, bro. Just roll with it.”

Raph let out a disgruntled sigh, massaging his temple with the heel of his hand. The heat in the car was making him even sleepier. _How long have I been awake?_ he wondered. His phone let out an 8-bit jingle; Raph let his foot slide off the seat as he sat up and plucked it out of cupholder. The caller ID was a still frame of Captain Kirk, face in the less-than-flattering configuration of being frozen mid- sentence.

“Hey, Leo.”

“Hey.” Leo replied. “Guys, we found a trunk of Kraang weapons; Donnie wants to take ‘em back to the lab. Can you come get us in the van?”

“Uh…” Raph glanced at Mikey, who could hear Leo’s end via speakerphone. “Where are you?”

“The office complex—” Suddenly Leo fell silent.

“Leo?” Raph’s brows knit together.

“Shh.” he heard Leo whisper. His voice became muffled as he likely put his phone in his pocket. “They haven’t seen us yet. We’ll lower the trunk to the ground floor.” he continued to Donatello.

Raph’s heart thudded in his ears; he handed the phone to Mikey and started up the car.

“Leo! Where are you?” Mikey demanded softly.

Silence.

Then:

“Behind you, Donnie!” A thud sounded from the phone, followed by the zap of Kraang blasters.

“Leo!” Raph yelled. “ _Where are you?_ ”

“We’re at the old office complex on 6th and Main!” Raph heard Donnie shout. The tires spun; Mikey frantically put the lids on their food, his hot soup dangerously close to spilling all over him. The sounds of combat suddenly ceased.

“Did you hang up on him?” Raph demanded.

“No!” Mikey exclaimed, staring at the phone with wide eyes.

“He probably just bumped his phone.” Raph said, narrowly beating a yellow light. _Hopefully,_ he added in his head.

“We’re here!” Mikey announced. Raph slowed, searching for his brothers. A large black case sat on the sidewalk; a doorway exploded open, expelling Donnie, Leo, and two Kraang.

“That which is called the humanoid ninjas will not be stealing that which is called the property of Kraang!” one of them shouted, moments before it’s robotic body was sliced in half by Leo’s katana.

“Stay put!” Raph ordered Mikey as he unlocked the trunk and leapt out of the car.

“How did you guys get here so fast?” Leo asked as he sheathed one blade and grabbed one handle of the trunk. Behind him, a stab from the blade at the end of Donnie’s bo rendered the other droid useless. The little aliens fled screeching back into the building. Leo glanced to the street, then did a double-take.

“I said take the van!”

Grasping the other handle of the trunk, Raph heard Donnie turn around.

“Aw, come on, you guys!” he groaned upon seeing the little car.

“We were already out!” Raph retorted as he and Leo hefted the large case towards the car. Searing hot air burned the concrete near his foot; Raph flinched in spite of himself, accidentally shoving the case into Leo’s thigh. Leo staggered, nearly dropping the trunk.

“Sorry.” Raph muttered; both ninja craned their necks to look behind them. Fortunately they only spied two new Kraang.

“I’ll take care of these guys!” Donnie called. Raph and Leo resumed their short trek, the clang of Kraang droids collapsing to the ground quickly following Donnie’s assertion.

“What were you guys doing?” Leo demanded once the weapons were stowed.

“We got hungry.” Raph replied, smiling humorlessly. He held the rear door open for his older brother. Frowning, Leo began to sidestep, heading for the driver’s seat instead.

_Bzzzt!_

The metal roof of the car warped with the impact of the blast. Both ninja jumped, and Raph gave Leo a shove.

“C’mon, Donnie!” the other three brothers yelled. Leo leaned over and threw the rear passenger door open. Donnie sliced the other Kraang droid in the chest; it fell to the ground with cut wires sparking out of its torso. Sheathing his bo, Donnie turned and bolted to the car. He ducked to get in—

\-- _bonk!_

The seven foot staff on Donnie’s back stopped him.

“Raph!” Donnie snapped, backing out of the car. The back panel window shattered; Donnie let out an exasperated yell and drew his staff. The blade shot out of the end and he hurled it spear-fashion towards the new Kraang, impaling it in its robotic chest. Donnie scrunched his six-foot-two frame into the backseat and scowled. Raph released the brake and mashed the gas pedal.

_Ka-thunk!_

“Whoops.”

“Come on, Raphael.” Leo sighed as Raph restarted the car.

“You shush.” Raph snapped back, peeling off down the street. He rounded the corner; a black sedan was in his rearview mirror. Raph narrowed his eyes and took an abrupt left turn down an alleyway. Moments after he emerged back onto the street, the sedan pulled out of the same alleyway.

“Annnnnd we’re being followed.” Donnie announced.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious!” Raph retorted.

“So what’re you gonna do about it?” Leo demanded, looking behind them. Mikey turned around as well, gripping the back of his seat and leaning towards Raph to see better. Something hit the rear of the car, causing it to lurch forward slightly. A loud clatter faded into the distance; Raph caught a glimpse of their rear bumper lying in the middle of the street.

“Dude, it’s the Kraang!” Mikey exclaimed.

“I got this.” Raph replied.

 “We can’t outrun them; this tin can isn’t powerful enough! Especially with all of us in it, and the weapons in the back!” Donnie .

“Raph, we gotta get out and run for cover!” Leo added.

“Don’t believe me?” Raph asked, merging into the faster lane of traffic.

“No!” the two brothers shouted.

“Just watch.” Raph smirked at Donnie in the rearview mirror.

“Come on!” Mikey shouted gleefully.

They sped through the near-empty streets, blasts from the Kraang droids blazing past inches from the car. Mikey yelped as his mirror, which he had been using to intently  monitor the Kraang, suddenly flew off and clattered into the gutter. Raph stomped the clutch, threw the car into a lower gear, and  cut into three lanes of traffic at a Y intersection, earning himself several angry honks. The engine screamed as he sped through the street, gaining speed quicker than he thought possible with all the extra weight.

And still the sedan was on their trail.

“Look out!” Mikey cried, pointing frantically in front of them. Raphael returned his attention to the front, yelled in alarm, and stomped hard on the brake. The car screeched to a stop only a few feet from a middle-aged mother and her stroller. This time it was Leo who wasn’t wearing his seatbelt; Raph felt him collide full-body with the back of his seat.

“Gahhhh.” Leo moaned, pushing himself back into his seat. Mikey turned and grinned smugly at him.

“And that, kids, is why you _allllways_ buckle up!” Mikey said. The woman was safely past; Raph floored it, causing Mikey to bonk his head against the edge of his seat. The sedan had caught up to them; Raph’s mirror flew off the door and bounced off the hood.

“ _We need to get out!”_ Donnie yelled. Raph looked in the rearview mirror again, brows furrowed as a sliver of anxiety poked through the adrenaline. Ahead of them the road sloped up and curved dramatically to the right, over a rail yard. Raph gripped the steering wheel and sped up.

“Raph, what are you doing?!” Leo cried. The car only increased in speed, the engine screeching in protest.

“We’re going too fast for that turn!” Donnie exclaimed. Raphael ignored them and floored the brake pedal, spinning the wheel to the left as he did so. Raph was now looking down at the city as the car skidded sideways in a drift around the corner.

“Slow down, Raph!” Donatello cried.

The wheel threatened to jump out of Raphael’s grasp and straighten the tires, sending them careening over the edge. Raph gritted his teeth and gripped the wheel for dear life.

 _“_ Raph!” Leonardo shouted.

“Grrrrr!” Raphael’s hands were cramping with the effort.

 _“BOOYAKASHA!”_ Mikey screamed, holding the handle above the door with both hands.

The car caught a puddle and hydroplaned for a brief moment; Raph was positive his heart stopped beating as the car threatened to slide right off the road. But the turn finally ended; Raph let the wheel fly back to its normal position and revved the engine as he shifted into higher and higher gears.

A sickening crash sounded behind them; instead of a sedan in the rearview mirror, Raph saw a dim flare of orange light before a building blocked his view completely.

“How do you like me now?!” Raph cried triumphantly, grinning back at his brothers. Donnie groaned and rested his forehead against the back of Mikey’s seat.

“Of all the stupid, irresponsible—” Leo began.

“Okay, okay.” Raph interrupted, spying a shortcut and pulling into an alleyway. “Never mind. I only just saved all our lives, _and_ the car!” He smacked the steering wheel in frustration.

The car sputtered and abruptly stopped.


	4. Chapter 4

Raphael and Donatello stood hunched over the engine, while Leo held up the hood and Mikey shone a flashlight. The sleet had turned to snow; the residual heat from the engine was keeping Raph and Donnie warm, but the flashlight shook with Mikey’s shivering.

“Face it, Raph, we can’t fix it.” Donnie said. Raphael frowned.

“Maybe we just…uh…burned out the…ugh. Wow.” Raph straightened and scratched his head. He knew _exactly_ what he wanted to say, but his exhaustion had all but severed the connection between his brain and his mouth. Donnie rechecked the sparkplug connections

“Oil!” Raph finished. “Maybe we just burned out all the oil.” He leaned forward and checked the dipstick.

“Nope.” he sighed, replacing the oil-covered strip of metal.

“The transmission’s probably ruined.” Donnie said, straightening and regarding the engine with narrowed eyes. “We’re probably  just gonna have to leave it.”

“We can tow it home with the van tomorrow.” Leo said.

“But someone’s gonna steal it!” Mikey protested.

“Who would steal _this_ hunk of junk? It doesn’t even run anymore.” Donnie retorted. It was no secret that he loathed the cramped little car; he had been trying to convince the others to let him trade it in. Now it was looking like that chance would never come, unless he put long hours into repairing it.

“Oh. True.” Mikey replied. They backed away from the engine, and Leo lowered the hood, then let it fall shut with a thump that echoed against the brick buildings.

“Someone needs to call Splinter and ask him to come get us.” Leo said.

“Why don’t you do it?” Raph asked. Leo fished in the pocket on the side of his thigh; only now did Raph and Mikey notice that a hole had been burned through it. They gaped with wide eyes at the cracked and half-melted phone Leo held up.

“Their aim’s getting better…” Raph observed.

“Yeah.” Leo replied shortly, putting the phone away. “Raph, you’ve got your phone, you call him.”

Raphael sighed; he was definitely going to get an earful from Splinter. However…

“How did the battery die? I _just_ charged it!” Raph glared at the black screen that refused to light up. Leo sighed;  it had actually been a good three days since Raph charged his phone. He glanced inquisitively at Donnie.

“Ah…I dropped mine during the fight…” the tallest brother replied, fiddling with his sleeve.

Leonardo furrowed his brows in annoyance, then turned to Mikey.

“Um… I left mine at home…” Mikey said quietly.

“Seriously, guys?” Leo demanded.

The awkward silence roared in their ears as Leo glared disapprovingly at them.

“Okay.” he said finally. “We’re only two miles from home. We can walk there just fine.”

“Two miles??” Mikey whined.

“Why doesn’t one of us just run ahead and get the van?” Donnie suggested. Mikey nodded, eyes wide in a silent plea. Raph leaned against the hood, arms crossed tightly against the wind.

Leo shook his head, moving to unlock the trunk. “We need to stick together. The Kraang are most likely pretty angry that we stole their weapons.”  
                “Which we can use against them if they try to attack us.” Raph replied. “Come on, at least let Mikey run ahead and get the car.” Both he and Mikey were simply clad in jeans, sneakers, and sweatshirts. Even so, it was a dismal protection against the cold compared to the thermals, gloves, boots, and hooded tactical gear that Leo and Donnie wore.

“Yeah! I can just take a gun, y’know, just in case…” Mikey reached eagerly for the case, but Leo quickly smacked his hand away.

“We don’t know how to use these! We’re better off keeping to the shadows, and _sticking together_.” Leo said firmly.

“And freezing our rears off in the process.” Raph muttered.

“Well, if you two had been a little more prepared, you wouldn’t have that problem!” Leo snapped. Raph shot his brother a glare. He grabbed the extra winter coat stored in the back of the car and threw it at Mikey. “Trade you that for your sweatshirt.”

Mikey tossed Raph his sweatshirt and zipped the coat on over his T-shirt while Raph tugged on the extra shirt.

They trudged through the streets and alleyways, Raph and Leo carrying the trunk with Donnie and Mikey in front. Raph and Donnie had tried to trade off carrying the trunk, but Donnie had only been able to carry his end about a block before his weaker arms dropped it. Their hoods were cinched up tight against the wind and snow, and Mikey plodded directly behind Donnie, avoiding the wind. Raph’s hands were scrunched up inside his sleeves and his feet ached from the cold; every muscle was tense and trembling from the icy breeze that was only growing stronger. The snow was coming down hard and the wind whipped it around in no set direction. It was impossible to see further than a block ahead.

Leo glanced first at Mikey, then Raphael. Raph could only see his narrowed blue eyes; their usual fighting shirts had longer collars specifically for covering their faces if needed. “Guys,” Leo said, “if you want to run ahead a little bit, to get warm, go for it. We can stop for a sec.”

“L-l-let’s just g-g-get _hhhome_.” Raph said; his face was numbing with the cold and it was an effort to get his mouth to form the words properly.

Mikey turned back to Leo and pulled the collar of the coat away from his face. “I wanna run, Leo.” he said, visibly shaking.

Leo nodded at him. “You and Donnie run up to the end of the block and back, as many times as you need to.”

 _Stupid_ Raph thought, mentally berating himself for neglecting the fact that his little brother was also freezing, and for not thinking to pull his sweatshirts over his face. He held the outer sweatshirt over his nose and did not slow; if Mikey wanted to run, then he could go ahead and run. The two younger brothers bolted, running as fast as Mikey could go—which wasn’t very fast, the cold having stiffened his muscles.

But they only ran half a block before turning back. “Bad idea.” Donnie said. “The wind gets worse when we run.”

“How much _farther_?” Mikey moaned.

“About a mile and a quarter.” Donnie replied as they resumed their march through the cold.

“Ugh.” Mikey hunched his shoulders and huddled close to Donnie, who put an arm around his shoulder.

Raphael stared at the ground just behind Donnie’s boots as he walked, lost in thought with “Let it Snow” stuck in his head.

_We should’ve been prepared for this. Shoulda taken the van, or at least dressed warmer! Or stayed home!_

_Oh the weather outside is frightful…_

_Then we’d all be in the van now, ‘cause we’d have been able to do what Leo said._

_But the fire is so delightful…_

_This is all my fault. Shoulda been the responsible older brother. But no, we had to go out…_

_Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!_

Raph tuned out his surroundings as his brain slowly succumbed to exhaustion. All he could think about was each shivering step, the wind in his face, the snow blowing into his eyes, despite his squint… The entire world was cold and exhaustion and his hand cramping around the metal handle of the trunk…

“Raphael! I said stop!” Raphael jumped at Leonardo’s sharp tone. He stopped, glancing around frantically. Were they about to be attacked? Had he been so deep in his little world of misery that he hadn’t noticed?

Leo set the trunk down and ducked behind a dumpster where Mikey and Donnie already were. Raph followed suit, stiffly lowering his side of the trunk to the ground and unclenching his hand from the handle. He shuffled over to his brothers.

“Come here.” Leo said. He pulled his trembling brother close and briskly ran his hands up and down his arms, then across his back. The wind whooshed above them, blocked by the dumpster. Raph was close enough to be warmed by his older brother’s body heat. A tiny part of his brain protested at being treated like a child. So cold, so tired, he could do no more than groggily acknowledge the thought, then let it fizzle away as he accepted his brother’s embrace. His shivering lessened ever so slightly, and Leo stepped back.

“Hang in there.” he said, voice low. “We’re only a half mile from home.”

Raph took a deep breath and nodded, shuddering intermittently. He glanced over to see that Donnie had taken his gloves off and was holding Mikey’s hands tightly in an attempt to warm them. To Raph’s relief, Mikey wasn’t shaking nearly as bad as Raph had been; the dual sweatshirts were doing their job.

And again they plodded through the snow.

* * *

 

Suddenly Raph found himself walking down a flight of stairs. He stumbled, reaching wildly for the handrail. They’d finally made it; they only had to get underground and walk a few hundred feet to the old station. Leo unlocked the door, and after a moment the sounds of the street and sidewalk were silenced. The concrete halls were dimly lit and their breath fogged in front of them. Somehow it was even colder down in the maintenance tunnels than it was above ground. A violent shiver shook Raph to the core, and the handle of the case slipped out of his near-frozen fingers. This forced Leo to stop as well.

“S-Sorry.” Raph muttered. Leo set the trunk down as Raph massaged his hand and rolled his shoulder.

“C’mon, Raph, we’re almost there.” Leo said gently. He too rolled his shoulders; he’d started carrying his end of the trunk with both hands about a quarter mile from home. They knelt and grasped the handles.

“On three.” Leo said. “One…two… _three—errgh_.” He grimaced as he hefted the trunk; Raphael inhaled sharply at the weight. It was almost too much to stand there holding it, let alone to carry it the rest of the way home. They tried to take a step, but their weary muscles forced to stop again.

“Guys!” Leo gasped to Donnie and Mikey. They stopped, turned, and ran back to their older brothers. Without a word of instruction, they each grasped a handle of the trunk, sharing it with their brother and distributing the weight between the four. They slowly plodded through the tunnel, Donnie behind Raphael and Mikey in front of Leo.

Finally, _finally_ they made it home. Just as they entered their warm living space, Raph and Leo’s arms finally gave out; without their help, Mikey and Donnie were forced to let the trunk fall to the floor with a loud boom.

“H-home! C-c-cocoa! N-need _cocoa!_ ” Mikey cried feebly, shuffling down the few steps that led to the living room and kitchen. Still shivering, Raph collapsed, falling to sit on the steps near the case. He crossed his arms, tucking his cold hands under his armpits, hunching his shoulders and shutting his eyes. His clothes and hair were soaked, his chest hurt, his arm was throbbing, and he couldn’t feel his toes. He drew deep, shuddering breaths, unwilling to move until he was warmer…

“C’mon, Raph, you gotta change and warm up.” Donnie said anxiously, sitting next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re gonna get hypothermia.” Raph did not move.

“Michelangelo! Raphael!” Raph looked up to find Splinter standing in the living space, looking disapprovingly between him and Mikey, who’d been stopped halfway to the kitchen. Leonardo stood two feet from Raph, massaging his own shoulder and watching him with wide eyes radiating concern. Splinter strode over to Raphael and knelt in front of him. His adoptive father placed a warm hand against the side of Raphael’s face, his brown eyes filled with disappointment and concern.

“You disobeyed my explicit instructions, and now you return nearly frozen! Explain.” Splinter demanded. He pulled Raphael’s hands towards him, massaging the ninja’s fingers. Raphael grimaced as warmth slowly returned with a burning pain through his digits. Noting Mikey’s silence, Raphael tried to explain.

“W-we didn’t u-u-understand the hhhomework.” Raph explained, focusing intently on getting his frozen face to form the words properly. “So w-we just went t-t-to g-get food…” Raphael gave up; despite his efforts, his explanation was coming out as a nearly incomprehensible mess. He sighed, scowling into the distance, embarrassment warming his cheeks.

Leo resumed the story, explaining the predicament with the Kraang, the chase through the streets, the car’s demise, and their trek home. Splinter regarded Mikey and Raph again, noting Mikey’s coat and Raphael’s dismal protection from the cold. The second-oldest had shut his eyes again and was sitting stiffly, trying desperately to stop his constant shivering.

“Raphael.” Splinter said firmly. Raph opened his eyes and looked imploringly at his adoptive father.

“You’ve already been punished enough. Go and take a hot shower.”

“H-Hai, S-S-Sensei.” Raph slowly got to his feet, reflexively shrugging off Splinter’s supporting hand. But he ducked his head meekly at the sharp look this action earned him. He was careful to walk normally, hiding the fact that his legs were trembling.

“Michelangelo.” Splinter turned to the youngest ninja, who offered a weak smile.

“You are grounded from video games for a week.” Splinter ordered.

“Hai, Sensei.” Raph heard him reply sadly, before he closed the bathroom door and turned the water on.

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later, Raph meandered into the kitchen. Mikey stood slouched against the counter, cupping a steamy mug between both hands and looking out to where Donnie was rummaging through the trunk. Leo was in the living room; Splinter was guiding him through stretching exercises for his overworked shoulder.

“Wha’d you do with the cocoa?” Raph asked, standing on tiptoe to see into the cupboard.

“It’s over by the microwave.” Mikey replied. Raph snagged a packet of cocoa and snapped it back and forth, getting the powder to the bottom of the package.

“Hey, Raph?”

“Yeah?”

Mikey looked up at him. “Are you okay?”

Raph had grasped the handle of the kettle but paused, furrowing his brows at Mikey. “Yeah, why?”

“You looked _really_ cold. I mean, I wasn’t really paying attention, but…”

Raph shrugged with a half smile and poured the hot water into his mug. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.” And it was the truth: he was no longer freezing, and though he was still tired, it was more of a comfortable drowsiness rather than a mind-numbing exhaustion.

“You were only wearing two sweatshirts!” Mikey protested.

“So? I’ve got more muscle than you, dork. Keeps me warmer. You needed the coat more than me.” He sipped his cocoa.

Mikey eyed Raph as he took a sip of own drink. “If you say so.”

Raph tousled his little brother’s hair. “I do say so.”

They stood in silence for a moment, staring sleepily into space. The warmth of the cocoa spread through Raph’s core, and he yawned.

“Thanks for giving me the coat.” Mikey said.

“No problem. C’mon, let’s see what Donnie’s up to.”

* * *

 

That night, Raph fell sound asleep minutes after his head hit the pillow.

But two hours later, Leo rolled over onto his sore shoulder and softly cried out in his sleep.

Raph jolted awake, heart pounding, adrenaline tingling through his body.

Leo continued to breathe deeply, and Raph exhaled. He sat up, intending to get a swig of water from the bottle on the nightstand.

Blinding pain exploded through his brain, pounding against his skull. Raph hissed through clenched teeth, clutching his head with both hands. His shoulder protested at the movement, and he slowly lay back down. He curled up in the fetal position, cringing as the migraine sent waves of pain through his head.

“Leo…” he gasped, his voice the barest whisper.

But Leo continued to sleep. Raph shut his eyes against the onslaught of another wave. He gripped his head tightly, the pressure somehow relieving the pain. His stomach lurched, but the wave passed and he did not throw up.

“Leo...?” He winced at the tiny whimper that escaped his mouth. A tiny part of him was glad that Leonardo did not stir. For a brief moment he considered getting up and getting the Ibuprofen himself.

Yet another wave hit, and Raph inhaled sharply. His spit turned to tangy bile and his face grew cold as the wave dissipated; he pushed himself towards the edge of his bed, knowing that any second now his dinner would make a reappearance.

But the headache had subsided to a just-tolerable pounding and his stomach kept his dinner inside it. Raph fell back into his pillow, once again curled up and clutching his head.

The migraine lasted for an hour and a half, slowly receding until it was gone at 2:00 am. Tear stains shone on Raph’s face in the light of the alarm clock. He tried to relax, but his mind raced and his body remained tense in agitation and disbelief.

_This can’t be happening. Not when we have a fight with Shredder coming up!_

The last time this had happened, Raph had gone three days with only ten hours of sleep. Stumbling into Donnie’s lab, the dark bags under his eyes had all but explained the problem for him. Donnie had been quick to find a probable solution, dashing to the drugstore and returning with some over-the-counter sleeping medication. Raph had taken the required dosage that evening, both he and his younger brother confident that the problem would be solved.

Raph shuddered at the memory.

* * *

 

_The clock read 12:00am, and still Raphael had not fallen asleep. His body felt as if it were on the brink of the deepest sleep of his life, but his mind refused to quiet down. Raph rolled over, nearly trembling with agitation. He opened his eyes._

_A Cheshire cat sat on his shelf and grinned at him. Raph gasped and nearly cried out, but the cat disappeared. He sat up quickly, eyes wide. Something flickered out of the corner of his eye; he turned to see none other than Shredder himself standing near the closet. His heart thudded wildly in his ears._

It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, _he thought frantically. Except Shredder looked so very real!_

_But soon the hallucination disappeared. Raph jumped out of his bunk;  the chill of the room and the sound of Leo’s breathing told him he was very much awake._

_So how was he dreaming?_

_A flicker of a memory: Donnie reading the side effects of the sleeping medication out loud._

Oh, great… _Raph pressed a hand to his eye and swallowed, trying to calm his rapid breathing. A Kraang droid watched him as he scurried out of the room. He sat on the couch in the living room, drew his knees up to his chest, and turned on the television, shivering as he stared pointedly at an episode of “Space Heroes,” the volume set so only he could hear it._

_“Why are you still up, Raphael?”_

_The young ninja jumped at the voice and turned fearful eyes toward the source. To his relief, it was merely Splinter…or was it yet another hallucination?_

_“I-I can’t sleep.” he whispered._

_Splinter frowned and stepped closer, studying Raphael. “Donatello informed me that you took sleeping medication this evening.”_

_“It’s not working.” Raph hugged his knees tightly, keeping his eyes on Splinter and ignoring the Kraang droids standing behind the television. “I’m tired…really tired, but I just can’t sleep.” Raph swallowed. “Father…T-There’s two Kraang droids standing over there.” he glanced to his right; the droids were raising their weapons at him, and he flinched, turning away quickly.“I-I know they’re not real… but I can still see them!” He looked earnestly up at Splinter, silently crying out for help._

_Splinter moved so he was standing in front of Raphael, blocking the youth’s view of the droids. “It is possible that the medication is causing you to hallucinate.” he said. “I will stay up with you, if you wish.”_

_Raphael nodded quickly, and Splinter sat next to him on the couch, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder._

_The touch was all Raphael needed to be convinced that Splinter was indeed in the room. The Kraang droids fired their blasters, and Raph yelped. He quickly scooted towards Splinter, hiding his face against his chest, shaking uncontrollably._

_“Rest, my son.” Splinter said softly, holding Raphael close, one hand resting gently on Raph’s head. “Nothing will harm you.”_

_Surrounded by the security of his father’s embrace, Raph’s breathing eventually slowed. His tense shoulders slumped, his mind quieted, and he fell asleep._

* * *

 

Upon Raphael’s request, none of his brothers were told about the incident. Donnie was merely informed that the medication hadn’t worked. Oddly enough, the insomnia disappeared after that evening, and did not return for another six months; Raph had been happily convinced he had simply outgrown it.


	5. Chapter 5

Upon getting out of bed the next morning, Raph tied his “Karate Kid” bandanna around his forehead. The bandana had been a birthday present from his friend Casey Jones, and the irony of it never failed to brighten his spirits. Though this morning the usual sense of amusement was as effective as trying to illuminate a cavern with a match. He shuffled his feet down the hall towards the sounds of breakfast in the kitchen. He had pretended to be asleep when Leo got up before him. But the truth was, he'd been staring at the upper bunk for the past five hours, calculating how much sleep he'd gotten over the last few days and growing increasingly frustrated as the hours ticked past without him being able to add to the tally.

He grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and plopped himself at the table, across from Mikey. His youngest brother was busy throwing cocoa puff cereal at Donnie's bowl, who was absorbed in reading an article on his phone and didn't notice Mikey's additions to his now-soggy cereal.

Morning! Sleep well?" Leo asked Raph through a mouthful of cereal. Raph glared at him from under lowered brows and said nothing. He grabbed the cereal box as Leo swallowed.

"Well, how many hours did you get?" he asked him in a lower voice. Just then a piece of cereal landed on Donnie's phone, startling him.

"Knock it off, Mikey!" Donnie exclaimed, flicking the cereal back at the blonde. Mikey giggled and turned to Raphael as his older brother answered Leo with a sharp "I don't know. Maybe two." Raph dumped the box into his bowl, but all that came out was five cocoa puffs and a little pile of dust. He set the box down with an irritated growl.

"Casey and April have a snow day.” Mikey announced.

“Yeah, we got eight inches of snow last night.” Donnie added.

“Whoopee.” Raph replied as he got up. He grabbed another box of cereal, sat down, and poured it into his bowl.

“They’re coming over in a bit.” Leo added. Raph gave him a disinterested thumbs-up and started on his cereal, resting his head on his left hand as he chewed absent-mindedly.

“Casey Jones is in the house!” came an excited shout.

“Well, that was sooner than expected.” Donnie remarked, turning off his phone. Hurried footsteps grew louder as Casey burst into the kitchen, snow sticking to his black jeans.

“Whaddup, guys?” The brothers all replied with a “Hi” or “Hey, Casey.” Casey grabbed a bowl, dragged a chair between Raph and Donnie, and poured himself a bowl of cereal.

“Where’s April?” Donnie asked.

“Takin’ her shoes off... Oh.” Casey craned his neck to see around Leonardo and cringed at the muddy trail his sneakers had left through the kitchen.

“Someone’s on mop duty!” Mikey sang softly.

“Sorry!” Casey whispered anxiously. The others waved him off.

“Morning, guys!” April said, dodging the puddles as she entered the kithen in her stocking feet.

“Hey, April!” Donnie replied, a smidgen louder than the other brothers’ replies. Michelangelo smirked at Leo and Raph.

“Do you guys get the day off, too?” Casey asked, glancing between the ninja with a grin April sat next to Mikey. “The hill on 8th street is completely closed off.

Mikey choke-swallowed a bite of cereal. “Seriously?”

 “Yeah! We gotta carve it up in that snow, dudes!”

“We can’t.” Leo interrupted, shoulders sagging ever so slightly.

“Why not?” April demanded.

“There’s, uh, something we’re doing tomorrow, that we gotta prepare for.” Donnie replied, avoiding his friends’ eyes. Raphael opened his slowly shutting eyelids and sat up.

“What’re you doing?” Casey asked.

“Secret ninja stuff, Casey.” Raph said, then chomped another spoonful.

Casey opened his mouth, but Leonardo interrupted his protest. “Our car broke down last night, too. We gotta go and get it before the cops come after us.” he said.

 _Oh yeah…_ Raphael groaned internally and contemplated getting a cup of coffee. Mikey crossed his arms and pouted. Just then Splinter entered the room.

“Sensei, can we _please_ have a snow day?” Mikey begged, after they’d all said their “good mornings.”

“Do you think it is wise to neglect your preparations right now, Michelangelo?” Splinter replied.

“Maybe not, but come on, Sensei, we’ve been working our butts off this whole week!”

“Hm…” Sensei regarded the three eager—and one not-so-eager—ninja. “I suppose there is no harm in taking an hour or so for leisure this morning. But you must not neglect your afternoon training.”

“Aw _yeah!_ ” Mikey whooped, leaping out of his chair. “Hurry up and get ready, guys!”

 “We’re gonna get the car first!” Leo hollered back. Raph sighed and got up. Getting coffee was no longer a “maybe.” He grabbed a mug and slouched against the counter, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.

“So what’s with that weird looking case in your lab?” April asked Donnie. “I mean, I wasn’t snooping or anything; you can see it from the living room.” She leaned forward on her elbow and smirked at him. “Does it have anything to do with the ‘secret ninja stuff?’”

The brothers glanced between each other; Raph caught Leo’s gaze and shook his head quickly.

“You know you gotta tell us.” Casey stated, taking another bite of cereal.

“Did you guys run into the Kraang again??” April demanded.

Casey dropped his spoon, eyes wide. “Dudes!”

Leo returned Raph’s gaze with a helpless shrug. Raphael sighed loudly and turned back to the coffeepot.

“Um, yeah.” Donatello replied. Raph scowled and tuned out Leo’s and Donnie’s explanation as he filled his mug to the brim.

“I thought you didn’t like coffee.” Splinter said, voice low as he poured his own cup.

“I don’t.” Raph snapped. Ignoring Splinter’s frown at his attitude, he took a sip of black coffee; choking on the taste, he nearly spit it out, but forced himself to swallow. Splinter wordlessly took the cup from his hands and dumped some of the coffee out into the sink. He added more cream and sugar than usual, and handed the mug back to his son.

“Are you feeling well, Raphael?” Splinter asked gently.

Raph sighed. _I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. I’m so tired, Father!_ Pushing aside such whimpering thoughts, Raph nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” he replied politely, then took a sip of the coffee. “Thanks.” he added, raising the better-tasting drink.

* * *

 

All six teenagers were crammed into the van: Leo, Donnie and April in the front, and Raph, Casey and Mikey in the back. There were only two seats in the back, on opposite sides, so Mikey had volunteered to be the odd one out and sit on the floor. The roads were slick; the still-falling snow had practically negated the efforts of the snowplows. Despite putting snow tires on the van a few weeks ago, it still took nearly all of Leo’s concentration to keep the van from sliding either into the curb or into the other lane. Fortunately there was nobody else on the roads.

Leo glanced in the rearview mirror at Raphael. His brother sat with arms crossed and head sunk into his chest, scowling at the floor. Leo could almost see the steam coming out of the hot-head’s ears as he sat fuming in silence. Returning his eyes to the road, Leo tuned out Donatello’s and April’s discussion of April’s school assignment. Raphael had protested loudly when April and Casey insisted they help out with the Kraang. But he’d been shut down by Splinter, who had informed the brothers that he too would provide assistance. Raph had stared in stunned frustration at all of them, then stormed out of the kitchen. Confronting him about it later did no good; Raphael had simply shoved his way past Leo and stalked out to the van.

“Surf’s up, dudes!” Leo glanced back to see Mikey on his feet, angled to the side with one foot forward and his arms held out. Casey was giggling, and Raph… Raph’s eyes were closed in slumber. Leo frowned.

“Sit down, Mikey.” he reprimanded. Suddenly the van refused to come out of a turn; it had caught on a piece of ice and was sliding towards the curb at 25 miles per hour... straight for a few swiftly scattering kids. The conversation in the front seat stopped as both Donnie and April let out a “Watch out!” Leo gasped and hit the brakes, but just as he did so, the ice patch ended and the tires caught the pavement once more. The van finished the turn with a jerk, jolting to a stop. Mikey yelped when the van stopped, and Leo was just in time to see him fall into Raphael. Raph awoke with a start, reflexively catching Mikey, then roughly pushing him away, once more scowling in irritation. Casey double over, laughing. Leonardo ran his hand through his hair, heart pounding.

“Learn to drive, Leo!” Raph snapped.

“Shut up, Raph!”

* * *

 

“Can you get me a wrench?”

“Yup.”

Casey slid out from under the car, grabbed the wrench, and placed it in Raphael’s outstretched hand. Raph lay on his back, studying the maze of cables and pipes on the belly of their little car. They’d towed it back home, and it now sat in the subway tunnel, close to Donnie’s lab. The teenagers had then spent a couple hours on 8th street, joining the other youth of the city in skating on their boots down the icy slope.

 Now Donnie and Leo were in the lab, trying to figure out the Kraang’s weapons. April had offered to help Mikey and Raph with their chemistry homework, but Mikey was the only brother willing to break out the textbook again. While Raph was nowhere near as good with machinery as Donatello was, he figured the combined intelligence of Casey and himself ought to suffice to fix the car. At any rate, it was enough to keep them busy, and Raphael still had no wish to be in the same room as his oldest brother. Casey had rejoined Raph under the car, and watched Raph wrestle with the rusty drain plug. Raph gripped the wrench tightly, growling with the effort.

“Stupid…old…car… _erf!_ ” The plug abruptly unscrewed, sending oil dribbling out of the car. Tiny drops spattered on his face, and he quickly yanked off his bandanna and stuffed it in his pocket.

“Nice.” Casey muttered, wiping his face with his sleeve and scooting out from under the engine. Raph remained under the car, looking for the plug on the coolant tank.

“Yo! Raph!” Suddenly Raphael felt Casey kick his foot, and…he opened his eyes?

_Did I just fall asleep under the car??_

Raph gripped the edge of the car and slid out on the mechanic creeper. Casey was smirking at him with one eyebrow raised.

“What?” Raph demanded.

_ZAP!_

The door to Donnie’s lab flew off the hinges. It clattered to the edge of the platform, teetered for a heart-stopping second, then crashed onto the tracks only fifty feet from where Raph and Casey were working. They glanced at each other, then sprang out of the tunnel onto the platform.

Leo and Donnie were poking their heads out of the mangled doorway. “You guys all right?” Leo asked.

“What did…” Raph squinted past his brothers to the metal objects lying on the lab bench. “ _Did you guys just fire a blaster??”_

“It was an accident!” Donnie protested. Raph narrowed his eyes as he and Casey entered the lab. Mikey and April bolted into the lab, eyes wide.

“How do you accidentally fire a blaster?” Raph demanded. “There’s a trigger, and you don’t pull it. End of story.”

“We didn’t pull the trigger, obviously.” Donnie retorted. “The blaster fired when I removed the casing around the trigger mechanism.”

“Well, then, how about you be more careful?!”

“How about you quit yelling??” Donnie shot back.

“ _Guys._ ” Leo interrupted. He frowned at Raphael. “It was an accident, okay?”

“The majority of them have a serious defect of some sort.” Donnie added. “I’ve been trying to fix them; that’s the only one that’s shown some promise.”

“Lovely. You guys managed to steal the Kraang’s garbage.” Raph snapped.

“Maybe the Kraang were taking them to be repaired.” April offered, inspecting the well-padded case the weapons had been transported in.

“You know…” Casey picked a blaster and twirled it cowboy style, “I wouldn’t mind having a couple of these things tomorrow.”

“Dude!” Mikey exclaimed. “That’d be _awesome!_ ”

“I think I could get one or two in useable condition…Not fully functional, but still.” Donnie said, inspecting a different blaster, fiddling with the outer casing on the handle. Suddenly it lit up, as if powering up to fire. Casey quickly dropped the blaster he was holding. Donnie held the blaster in both hands, carefully pointing it away from everyone. Somehow, however, the power-up looked different than what Raphael was used to seeing. It was too quick, too bright. Raph sprang towards him, yanking the blaster from his hands and hurling it out of the lab and into the subway tunnel. A loud _BOOM_ echoed through the tunnel and shook the lab as the gun exploded.

“Way to go, Raph!” Donnie cried.

Raph spun around, fists clenched as he glared up at Donnie. “How is that _my_ fault??””

“If you hadn’t thrown it into the tunnel, it wouldn’t have exploded!”

 _“What??_ ”

“The casing was loose, and the impact of your throw must’ve knocked it off completely!”

Raph’s heart was pounding in his ears. His arms shook in incredulous fury; for a moment he couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, couldn’t—

“Breathe, Raph.” Leo said firmly. Raph sucked in a breath of air through clenched teeth.

“I know what I’m doing.” Donatello said.

“No, you _don’t!”_ He turned to Leonardo. “You expect us to carry loaded, unpredictable Kraang blasters tomorrow? We’ll explode before we even get there!”

“You’re the only one exploding, dude.” Casey remarked.

“Donnie’s gonna work something out.” Leo added firmly. “I am _not_ risking our lives, as you’re implying.”

 _Yes, you are_ Raphael thought. He met Leo’s eyes for a brief moment, debating whether to voice his objections. Leo met his gaze with a steely frown. Raph shook his head and stalked out of the room.

* * *

 

4:00 pm.

Nunchucks collided with a bo and sais clanged against a katana.

Casey and April were training with Splinter on one half of the training room, while the ninjas had been set to spar against each other for a few minutes. Raphael’s arms and legs were trembling slightly: the coffee had _definitely_ worn off. Raph dodged a jab to the stomach and began to stab his said towards Leo’s shoulder. But he was forced to spin the sai and parry a downward swipe of the katana instead…and Leo wasn’t even using both his weapons! Raphael gritted his teeth, desperately scrounging up his last bits of energy. He lunged towards Leonardo, catching his sword in the crook of one sai. Metal scraped against metal as Raph forced his blade down to the hilt, locking Leo’s weapon. The other sai flew towards Leo’s face—

—but Leo removed one hand from his katana and grabbed Rapahel’s wrist. Raph yelped as Leo twisted his arm, and he quickly stepped back from his older brother.

“What’s eating you?” Leo demanded, just loud enough for Raphael to hear.

“Excuse me?” Raph snapped, panting. Leo stood still for a moment, chest rising and falling evenly, to Raphael’s irritation.

“Something’s bugging you. You’ve been snappy all day. What’s your deal?”

“Nothing.” Raph replied shortly. He again lunged towards Leonardo, but the elder simply dodged. Raph growled and turned, facing Leo again.

Leo huffed a humorless laugh. “Yeah, right, hot-head. You pitched a fit when we told April and Casey about the plan for tomorrow. Is that what’s bugging you?”

Raphael made a decision. “Yes! The plan is _stupid_. We should have been taking out the Kraang’s hideouts one by one all week! Now we have to deal with all of them, _and_ Shredder!”

Leo’s eyes widened. “That’s the whole reason our plan’s gonna work! Because they’re all together!”

“It’s too dangerous!” Raphael retorted.

“‘Dangerous?’ Since when do _you_ care about too dangerous?”

“You know what I mean!” Raphael lunged at his brother, only to have both sais blocked. He clenched the weapons in frustration; he could not get his seemingly lead-filled arms and legs to move faster. And they were training _without_ the gas masks.

“No, I don’t!” Leo retorted. He swung the katana at Raph, forcing him to duck. He was winning, and he still hadn’t drawn his other sword. “You’re _always_ looking for a fight, the bigger the better.” Leo continued. “Well, you’ve got it: all of the Kraang and Shredder. Plus foolproof plan for taking them out. And you’re _hesitating??”_

“Because it’s a bad idea!” Raphael shot back, spinning his sais as he circled his brother.

But Leo suddenly paused and stood a little straighter, eyes narrowed. “Is that fear-gas still in your system? Because you’re acting like a coward.”

Raphael froze. He forgot everything else in the room as he straightened, glaring at Leonardo.

“What.” he snapped.

“ _You are acting like a coward, Raphael!”_

There was the adrenaline boost Raph needed. He let out an incomprehensible yell, screaming in fury as he lunged at Leonardo. Finally Leonardo drew his other katana, bracing himself for Raph’s attack. The green-eyed ninja threw his whole weight into the attack, parrying away one katana and leaning left to dodge the other. He shuffled backwards a couple steps, letting Leo run towards him. Raphael again ducked under one katana, then reached up with his left sai and locked Leo’s right wrist between the prongs. Spinning quickly, he used Leo’s forward momentum to flip him over his shoulder; the eldest brother landed hard on his back.

“ErrrrRRRGHHH!” Leo groaned through clenched teeth; Raph had flipped him using his sore shoulder. He dropped one of his katana and rolled to his hands and knees, gripping his shoulder and breathing heavily.

“Now who’s hesitating?!” Raph demanded. Leo looked up; Raph stood with weapons at the ready, eyes glaring, teeth clenched, and breathing fast in his fury. Leonardo swallowed, pausing a few more necessary seconds as the throbbing in his shoulder faded.

“ _GET UP!”_ Raphael roared. Leonardo’s eyes narrowed. He picked up his other katana and sprang towards Raphael with a yell. Raph parried each attack, but was suddenly again unable to provide any counterattacks—Leo’s naturally quicker reflexes were suddenly harder to beat, when paired with the eldest brother’s anger.

Finally Raphael caught the blades of the katanas with his sais, locking the blades at the hilt. They stood shoving each other, neither brother giving up ground. Usually Raphael’s superior strength would have been the deciding factor; he would have been able to shove Leo away, sending his brother staggering backwards and giving Raphael an edge in the fight.

But not today. Today it was a tremendous effort for Raphael to merely stay standing as he and Leo exchanged ferocious glares. He frantically racked his brain for a way to get away, without letting Leo follow up with an attack.

Sharp pain suddenly shot through Raphael’s neck and head, emanating from the pressure point near his shoulder. He cringed and dropped his sais, suddenly paralyzed. The katanas fell to the mat as Leonardo stiffened, eyes wide.

“Enough!” came Splinter’s voice. He released the two ninja, who immediately collapsed, groaning.

“Fighting amongst yourselves will _guarantee_ your failure!” Splinter continued.

“Leo started it.” Raphael muttered, pushing himself to a sitting position.

“On your feet!” Splinter ordered. The teenagers glanced at each other, their argument momentarily diminished by Splinter’s wrath. They slowly got to their feet. For a brief moment, Raphael’s left leg refused to bear his weight, and he staggered, bumping into Leonardo. Leo caught Raph by the shoulder, steadying him.

“End this fight.” Splinter said firmly. They turned and faced each other. Raph’s eyes narrowed at Leonardo’s stern gaze. _Oh, I’ll end this fight_ Raph thought. _I’ll win this time._ His heart pounded and he shifted, balancing his weight in preparation for hand-to-hand combat.

But Leo did not mirror his brother. He clamped his mouth shut and extended his hand, arm bent up at the elbow. Raphael glared up at him and did not move.

“Raphael.” Splinter warned. Raph huffed and stepped forward, clasping his brother’s hand firmly. Their eyes met, green eyes still smoldering, while blue eyes remained calm and stern. Finally Raphael nodded, confirming the truce. Leonardo released his brother’s hand, picked up his katanas, and wordlessly left the training room. After a moment, Mikey, Donnie, Casey, and April followed. Practice was over.

Raph knelt to retrieve his sais, and suddenly found that he did not want to get up. He sat on his knees and sheathed the blades. He sighed, eyes closed and shoulders slumped, massaging his temple with the heel of his hand.

“What troubles you, Raphael?” Splinter asked. Raph jumped; he’d forgotten that Splinter hadn’t left.

“N-Nothing.” Raph stammered, getting to his feet. He swayed, his vision briefly going to red as his body reacted to him standing far too quickly. Again he nearly fell, but this time it was Splinter who caught him.

“Leonardo told me that you have not been sleeping well.” Splinter said, releasing Raph’s shoulder. “Are you feeling well?”

 _No! I’m not okay! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!_ Raph opened his mouth, nearly explaining his misery to Splinter. But Leo’s voice echoed through his head: _You are acting like a coward!_

Was he? _Probably,_ Raph decided. After all, lack of sleep should hardly be a debilitating problem. Leo had hurt his shoulder yesterday, yet he had still nearly beaten Raphael that afternoon. Raph shrugged. “I’m fine.” he said bluntly.

Splinter ignored this. “How many hours of sleep have you been getting the last few nights, Raphael?”

“I dunno. Two, I guess.”

“And when was the last time you got a full eight hours?”

Raph furrowed his brows, racking his brain. How long had it been since their fight with Shredder, and he’d stopped being able to sleep well? Three days? Only three days, that wasn’t so bad…except Splinter had said eight hours, not the four or six he’d been content with for the past several weeks.

“I don’t know.” Raphael said finally.

Splinter sighed. “Do you have any idea what kind of damage you’re doing to yourself?”

Raph looked up, surprised. “I’m not doing this on purpose!” he exclaimed.

“Of course not. But you must not hide the fact that you are unwell.” Splinter said firmly. “That is how you are harming yourself.”

Raphael stared at the ground in silence, stomach churning. He had absolutely no clue why he could not sleep, and watching himself fall apart as a result scared him.

 _It’s just insomnia_ he thought. _I’m tougher than this._ Raph stood straight and looked up at Splinter. “I’m sixteen, Sensei.” he said firmly. “I can handle being a little tired. I know when I need help, and when I don’t. And right now, I don’t.”

 “Your actions say otherwise.” Splinter replied.

“I’m _fine,_ Sensei!” Raph insisted.

Splinter regarded him for a moment, frowning. “If this problem persists, you will inform either me or your brothers. Understood?”

“Hai, Sensei.”

* * *

 

3:30 AM.

Only one thought now occupied Raphael’s exhausted mind: he was amazed at how well the green numbers on the alarm clock illuminated the room. Before that, six hours of tossing and turning since his head hit the pillow had yielded exactly zero hours of sleep. His mind had buzzed with an agitation that just barely kept him conscious as the night—and his last opportunity to regain his strength before the fight—slipped away. The frustration only grew with each passing hour. At 3:25, Raphael had been ready to scream. But a thought hit him: _I’m still resting. I’m not working out right now, I’m just lying here. This counts. This has to count…_ Now finally resigned to his fate, he lay staring at the alarm clock, watching the minutes slowly tick by.

3:31…

3:32…

3:33…

_“3:34, Raph. We have to hurry.” Leo said, glancing at his watch._

_“Y’know, for being a computer genius, you’d think Donnie’d be able to buy us some more time.” Raph huffed in reply._

_“Would you just hurry up?” Leo shot back, sidling up through the shadows to the end of the hall. The faint whirring of the ship’s air supply just barely masked the two teens’ breathing. Raphael inched closer to Leo, his back mashed against the wall, just out of the reach of the ship’s ambient light. Leonardo poked his head out into the lit hall, looked both ways, then dashed across into the dark hall across from them. The brothers froze crouching, listening for a few eternally long seconds._

_But there was still no sound. The Kraang had yet to discover them._

_Leo stood and jerked his head, assuring Raph that the coast was clear. Raph took a deep breath and bolted across the hall. His foot caught on the slight edge that marked the seam between the corridors. He reached out wildly for his brother; Leo just barely caught Raph’s arm. The result was that Raph turned mid-fall and fell out of Leo’s grasp, landing hard on his back._

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

_Raphael gasped and looked around frantically for the source of the alarm. There: across the hall from him was a small control panel on the wall._

_“Turn it off, Raph.” Leo said. Funny, his speech was suddenly slower and slightly garbled, as if he were exhausted…_

Raph’s eyes snapped open, and he stared wide-eyed at the top bunk.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

There was the alarm! Somehow the alarm had gotten into their room. Raph knew the Kraang would arrive at any second, and they’d be discovered. He knew exactly where it was: it was sitting on their bookshelf, alerting any and all Kraang to their presence. He had to get up and switch it off, before they got there.

But Raphael’s body refused to move. He remained staring up at the bunk, an invisible pile of cinder blocks crushing his chest as the alarm continued to blare.

_WHY CAN’T I MOVE?!_

Raphael thought he’d be gasping for air at this point, but for whatever reason his breath continued to come in slow, deep breaths. His body was limp, but despite Raph’s internal screaming at his arms to push himself up, at his legs to swing themselves over the edge of the bunk and dash to the alarm…his body remained still.

“Raph, turn it off already.” Leo mumbled.

But still Raphael remained paralyzed. _Why can’t I move?? I have to get up! The Kraang are gonna find us and it’s all my fault! I can’t move, Leo!_

Beep! Beep! Beep!

A full forty five seconds passed, and the alarm continued to blare. But, slowly, _slowly,_ Raph felt his arms and legs begin to tense, readying for action. His big toe twitched.

_Come ON! Get up!_

“Oh, for crying out loud.” Raph heard Leo mutter.

And suddenly Raph could move.

He leaped out of his bunk with a gasp, arm outstretched, reaching desperately for the alarm box on the shelf. His heart was thudding wildly, far quicker than it ever did during their toughest training sessions.

“Woah!” he heard Leo yell, a split second before his brother landed on him from jumping out of the bunk. Raph cried out, more in frustration than in pain as he was knocked to the floor. He scrambled to his knees, shouldering Leo off his back. Reaching out wildly, he grabbed the box blasting the high-pitched buzzing and hurled it towards the open door, snapping its electrical cord as he did so.

“Aa!” A screech sounded from the doorway: Michelangelo, upon dashing into the room with Donnie, had just barely cringed away from being hit in the face with the alarm.

“Well, that works.” Leo said, sitting up, a half-laugh marred by a grimace.

“Come on, Raph, you almost hit me!” Mikey whined.

Each breath was still a gasp as Raph frowned at the wreckage near the door. Why was Leo so relaxed? The Kraang could still be anywhere, despite his having destroyed the alarm—

_Oh._

 Donnie picked up the shattered alarm _clock._ “What, was the snooze button not workin’ for ya, Raph?” he asked.

“Wreck-it Raph has done it again!” Mikey laughed through a yawn.

Raphael groaned and massaged his temple. “Whoops.” he muttered. He was still breathing quickly, and he forced himself to focus, to slow his breaths and keep the panicky gasps from resurfacing.

“Sorry ‘bout landing on you, I didn’t see you.” Leo said, reaching for the broken cord and yanking it out of the wall. “You all right?”

Raph froze. He felt a twinge in the back of his head, and a slight pain behind his left eye. Warning signs. “Yeah.” he replied. He got to his feet, using the shelf as support and pushing past Donnie and Mikey, who were busy poking the broken clock.

 _What just happened?!_ Raph’s breath was coming fast again as the fear returned. He ran shaky hands through his hair as he hurried down the dark hall to the bathroom. Raph flicked on the light, and immediately cringed as the bright light sent a stabbing pain through his skull. He smacked the switch again, and the migraine receded ever so slightly. Except he needed to be able to see inside the medicine cabinet. Raph gritted his teeth and turned the light on. Eyes nearly closed, he squinted at the variety of bottles and half-used tubes of toothpaste.

There, on the top shelf, was the bottle he wanted. Raph reached up; his fingertips were just beginning to close around the bottle—

A wave of pain speared through the left half of Raph’s skull. He hissed, cringing and knocking the bottle onto the counter. Raph growled and pried the cap off the bottle as the wave receded.

Only seconds later, another wave hit, fiercer than the first. Raphael gasped as his brain pounded against his skull. He instinctively clutched his head with both hands, dropping the bottle into the sink.

“No, no, no!” he cried softly as two pills fell out of the bottle and dropped down the drain. Raph grabbed the bottle out of the sink and smacked it against his hand. But the two pills had been the last.

“You okay, Raph?” Donnie paused outside the open bathroom door, broken clock in hand.

Raph jumped, and inhaled sharply as the motion sent the pain roaring back. “Really…bad…migraine.” he replied through clenched teeth, again gripping his head with both hands.

Donnie quickly stepped into the doorway and set the clock on the counter. “Okay.” he said. He frowned at the empty pill bottle, and took it from Raph. “Okay, first of all, these are antihistamines, which you’re allergic to. Did you take any?”

“No. The bottle looked like Ibuprofen.” Raph snapped, then grimaced as yet another wave hit hard.

“Here, lemme try something.” Donnie said, quickly chucking the bottle into the trash. He gently pried Raph’s hands away from his skull. Raph clenched his fists, one hand gripping the edge of the counter, unable to squelch a tiny cry as the migraine tore through his head. Donnie placed both thumbs at the base of his brother’s skull, fingertips pressed lightly against his head. He then pressed his thumbs against Raph’s skull, massaging two small spots on his head. Raphael gasped, every muscle as taught as a piano wire. The pain was ripping him apart from his brain to his gut, and he could feel his stomach begin to churn.

But, for the first time since he’d dropped the medicine, the migraine receded. Within seconds the pain was simply a dull ache, the relief spreading from Donnie’s thumbs and washing through his head. Raph’s shoulders slumped, and he exhaled and shut his eyes, head bowed.

“Better?” Donnie asked, letting go of Raph’s head.

Raphael swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.” he said, opening his eyes and raising his head.

“Here, uh…” Donnie rummaged through the cabinet, grabbed a bottle, confirmed that it was actually Ibuprofen, and dumped two pills into his hand. “Take these, just in case.” Raph took the pills, dry-swallowed them, then turned the faucet on and washed them down with water slurped from his cupped hand.

“That’ll kick in in about half an hour. You need anything else? You sure you’re okay?” Donnie asked, having retrieved the alarm clock and tapping his fingers on the broken plastic.

“I’m _fine,_ Donnie.” Raph retorted.

Donatello furrowed his brows, studying his older brother. Raph met his gaze. “Really. I’m fine.”

“Okay. Just…let me know if you need anything. You should probably go back to sleep.” Donnie replied, backing out of the doorway.

“Okay.” Raph said, and Donnie returned to his room. Raphael closed the medicine cabinet and slurped another handful of water. But despite his slower movements, his constantly shutting eyes, and the weird extra weight his arms and legs seemed to have acquired, Raph had already made up his mind. He was not going back to sleep. He would not risk waking up like that again, no matter how tired he was.

_They can’t know. They need me to fight. I CAN handle being a little tired. It’s really not that big of a deal. I’m stronger than this._


	6. Chapter 6

A blue mask was tied over cobalt eyes.

A red mask was tied over emerald eyes, purple mask over chocolate eyes, and an orange mask over baby  blue.

“Ooh wee ooh, wee ooh! We’re different colors!” Mikey sang, sheathing his nunchucks.

“Guys! Gimme a hand with these, please!” Donnie called from the lab. Raphael stuck his sais into the sheaths on his hips and entered the lab to find Donnie hefting a large black case.

“Help me get these out to the van.” Donnie said, jerking his head towards the pile of eight or ten more cases.

“You sure the blasters are safe in these things?” Raph asked. He gingerly picked up a case and following Donatello out the destroyed back door.

“Absolutely. The blasters are sealed in a shock absorbing padding. You’d have to drop it off the top of a building to get them to explode when they’re in these cases.”

“Huh. Did you ever get one to work normally?” Raph asked, carefully setting the case in the back of the van.

Donnie sighed and turned back to the lab. “Nope. But don’t worry; they’re much more stable. They should only explode when they’re all synced together and the countdown’s finished.” Raphael frowned at the pile, then shook his head. A yawn blossomed in his throat, not for the first time that day. No one was watching, so he let it out, his eyes shutting. He stumbled against the open door of the van and opened his eyes.

“Raph, come on! We can’t be late.” Donnie called.

Raphael rubbed his eye. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

“Go ninja, go ninja, go ninja, go!” Mikey whooped, careening through the back door and leaping into the tunnel.

“Mikey! Help us out, why don’t you?”  Leo called, exiting the back door with a case. Mikey let out a loud sigh and followed Raph back up to the platform.

“All right, we ready?” Leo asked after nearly all the cases had been stashed in the back of the van. He hefted the last case and glanced at his brothers.

“Baby, I was _born_ ready.” Mikey said, grinning.

“Yeah, we’re good.” Donnie added, and they all made their way out towards the van.

“One for the money…” Mikey began, eyeing Donnie.

“Oh no, not this again.” Raphael groaned.

Donatello chuckled and climbed into the front passenger seat. “Two for the show.”

Silence.

“ _Three to get ready_ , Raph!” Mikey exclaimed, elbowing his brother. Raph rolled his eyes and climbed with Mikey into the back of the van. He sat behind Donnie and buckled up, while Mikey knelt to retie his boot.

“And four to go.” Leo finished, starting up the van. “Sensei and the others are probably already there.”

“We have a good hour before the Kraang are even supposed to show up.” Donnie said.

“Guys! Wait!” Mikey cried, still fumbling with the laces.

“What?” Raphael snapped.

“Before we leave, let me tell ya’ll a little somethin’.” He paused, finishing the knot.

“What is it, Mikey?” Leo demanded.

Michelangelo stood and grinned. “Up-town, funk you up, up-town funk you up.” he proclaimed, striding to his seat.

“Mikey…” Leo groaned, amidst the others’ protests.

“Aw, come on, guys!”  Mikey exclaimed.

“Would you just buckle up??” Leo said.

“How much sugar have you had today?” Donnie added, glancing back at Mikey.

“I _am_ buckled, sass-pants. And the answer, Donnie, is two Pop-Tarts. Ya’ll are just jealous of my creative genius.” Mikey huffed, crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out at a glaring Raphael.

“No, we just want you to focus.” Leo chided, leaving the tunnel for the snow-covered street. “Man _alive…_ ” he muttered, squinting at the now ten-inch blanket of powder covering the alleyway.

“D’you think the snow’s gonna affect anything?” Raph asked, leaning forward to look out the windshield.

“Actually...” Donnie turned in his seat, sitting on his left leg so he was facing Leo and able to address all of them, “this makes the stakes a little higher, since everyone’s inside.”

“How’s that?” Mikey asked.

“I did explain the plan to you guys…and you said you understood it.” Leo said.

“Yeah, I got it, but just in case, explain it all again, because I wasn’t listening.”

“Please tell me you’re just quoting ‘Lego Movie.’” Raph grumbled.

“Ah…no…I was thinking about something else when he explained it.” Mikey squirmed, grinning sheepishly at Raph. Donatello sighed.

“All right, pay attention.” Leo said, merging into traffic. “We know Shredder’s got some kind of fear-gas—”

“Oxycontin, which was used on you guys.” Donnie interrupted. “But now it’s mixed with other toxic chemicals, as well as flammable compounds, designed to produce fear upon immediate exposure, and paralysis and death with an exposure of about twenty-five minutes.”

“What??” Mikey exclaimed. Raphael adjusted his belt of gas mask cartridges.

“Yeah.” Leo said. “Shredder and the Kraang’s plan is to pump the gas through the sewers and into everybody’s homes, then ignite it.”

“That’ll blow up the whole city!” Mikey wailed.

“All except their headquarters.” Donnie said. “They’re gonna set up a force field around it before they disperse the gas.”

“But not before all the Kraang, Shredder, and the Foot Clan are inside.” Leo added.

“So, we go in before the force field’s up, kick them all to the curb, and destroy their stupid machinery.” Raphael stated.

Leo nodded. “Pretty much.”

“According to the data, there’s a way for us to ignite the gas before it gets dispersed through the city.” Donnie continued. “The forcefield will keep the explosion contained, but we’ll have to get out in time, obviously.”

“How will much time will we have?” Raph asked.

“I think I can get us at least three minutes.” Donnie replied.

“You _think_ three minutes?” Raph demanded.

“Based on my knowledge of their systems, yeah.”

“Wonderful.” Raphael sat back in his seat.

“The Kraang have several gas pumps located around the city.” Donnie said. “The data didn’t tell us where they were, but I’m thinking the mainframe in the building will. Once we know that, we’ll split up into three teams and go find them.”

“Guys…” Mikey said, glancing between Raph and Donnie. “We are _living_ that Batman movie. Shredder is secretly Ra’s al Ghul!”

“No, Mikey.” Donnie smiled.

“Yes, Donnie.” Mikey retorted. “We’re watching the movie when we get home. You’ll see.”

Suddenly Donatello’s phone rang. “Uh, hey April!” he answered the phone. “What? Oh, okay.” Donatello took the phone from his ear and pressed a button.

“Guys!” April exclaimed through the speakerphone. “The Kraang are showing up already! Hurry!”

* * *

 

“Okay, that’s just not right.” Raphael stated, craning his neck around a building at the line of normal-looking people entering the warehouse.

“I know!” Casey exclaimed. “I saw my gym teacher like five minutes ago!”

“How do you not notice that your gym teacher is a Kraang?” Donnie demanded, peering through infrared binoculars at the Kraang disguised as people.

“Gym teachers are always a little weird. One of the things you home-school nuts miss out on.” Casey teased.

“What are you talking about? Leo’s weird about training. We didn’t miss anything.” Mikey laughed.

“Can you guys _focus_?” Leo said, scowling at Mikey.

“My point exactly.” Mikey whispered, skittering away from Raph’s incoming smack.

“The rear fire escape is still clear from the outside.” April stated, walking up from behind them. “Splinter’s watching it.”

“They’re almost all in, Leo.” Donnie said.

“Let’s move.” Leo ordered.

Raphael leapt back into the van and snapped open the cases to the blasters. He handed two to each of his brothers, then strapped two to his waist. Mikey had jumped into the van after him, and retrieved their gas masks.

They crept through the shadow-filled alleyway towards the rear of the warehouse as the sun went down. Donnie knelt and began to pick the lock to the fire escape. “The mainframe is one floor below us and fifty meters in front of us.” he whispered. The door swung open abruptly, and Donnie lurched forward, grasping the handle just before it smacked into the wall.

“Masks on.” Leo ordered.

Donatello pulled himself to his feet. “Remember, you don’t have to waste time changing the cartridges unless they release the gas into the room.” he said, before strapping his gas mask into place.

 “Be careful.” Splinter warned.

“Hai, Sensei.” Leo said, then stepped into the building. Raphael nodded in agreement, then followed his brother. Donatello crept silently behind him, Mikey following closely. The hall was dimly lit by a light source far in front of them, and the incomprehensible sound of the Kraang’s robotic speech echoed through the warehouse. Another yawn threatened, but Raphael clamped a hand over his mouth, stifling it. A wave of fatigue hit him, and he brushed his hand against the wall, orienting himself against the dizziness.

He felt Donnie’s hand tap lightly on his left shoulder, twice. _Turn left_. Raph reached out and did the same to Leo, who turned at the first opportunity. The hall ended in a dead end and a ladder; Leo glanced down towards the bottom and held up a hand to the others. _Wait_. Leo silently flew down the ladder, and the others quickly gathered over the edge of the hall, looking down at their older brother in the gloom. Squinting around him, Leo reached up and beckoned the others to follow, pressing a finger to the gas mask where his mouth should be.

They stood in the shadows at the foot of the ladder, surveying the enormous basement in front of them. They’d climbed down about one story, but they’d only made it to a set of scaffolding a whole story above the concrete floor. Below them stretched an enormous web of pipes, some of them clear and displaying yellow-brown clouds of gas floating through them. The pipes converged at a massive tank that stretched from the floor up through the ceiling, up to who knew which floor. A bank of computers, taller than Donatello and at least twenty feet long, was tucked into the far corner of the basement. Data and coding scrolled past at lightning speed, monitored and updated by five Kraang. At least twenty more Kraang, about a third still disguised as humans, milled about the giant tank, inspecting the connections and watching the pressure dials where the pipes met it.

“Piece of cake.” Raphael whispered, unsheathing his sais.

“Wait.” Leo put a hand on his brother’s arm. More Kraang, some still in their human disguises, were approaching down a wide set of stairs to their right.

“Where’s the Foot? ” Donnie breathed.

“Not here, and not our problem right now.” Raphael hissed.

“Let’s not find out.” Leo whispered. “Donnie and Raph, get to the computers. Mikey and I will seal off the stairs.” He glanced between the ninja, who were nodding in agreement.

“Stealth mode. Go.” Leo said. Within a flash, he and Mikey had dashed across the scaffolding, disappearing into the shadows.

Raphael climbed down the ladder, Donnie joining him at the base seconds later. His younger brother’s eyes narrowed as he drew his new bo. Raphael jerked his head towards the wall, indicating that they should skirt the perimeter. Donnie nodded, and they crouched in the shadows provided by the scaffolding. A large pipe met the wall about ten feet in front of them, its shadow on its far side. Raphael glanced towards the Kraang, saw their characteristic red eyes look another direction, then bolted. He leapt over the pipe, only to find a Kraang droid directly in front of him. Fortunately it too was facing the other way, and Raph’s sai was embedded in its hardwired skull before it could turn. Raphael jumped back, expecting a tiny pink Kraang to jump out of the metal body. But the drone merely collapsed: Raph had disabled a mindless sentry. A whisper of a footstep marked Donnie’s leap over the pipe.

“ALERT! WARNING! Kraang has discovered that which is known as an intruder!” came a monotonous shout. Donnie and Raphael whirled, bracing themselves for a wave of Kraang droids to converge upon them. But the Kraang’s attention was focused on the stairs:  Mikey and Leo were fighting droid upon droid, inching their way up. Humans were emerging from the door as well: black-clothed ninja wielding silver swords.

“I found the Foot!” Mikey hollered, his nunchuck smacking a ninja off the stairs. Some of the Kraang droids and Foot soldiers simply dodged Leo and Mikey and jumped off the stairs at the first opportunity, swarming the room. Raph squinted at the Foot’s eyes; why were they _red?_

“Those aren’t Foot soldiers.” Donnie whispered to Raph. “They’re the Kraang droid replacements I was telling you about.”

“Same diff. Come on!” Raph hissed. He and Donnie bolted, making a less-than-professional effort to keep in the shadows as they raced towards the computers. Several Kraang saw them, and some were even able to let out a robotic alarm, but were quickly struck down by a swift stab from Raph’s sai or a tremendous whack from Donatello’s bo. The air suddenly became tinged with yellow-brown, and Donnie started the timer on his watch.

Upon reaching the bank of computers, Donnie attacked two of the Kraang monitoring the data, then set his bo aside, letting Raph take care of the rest. Little pink aliens screamed bloody murder as they fled their destroyed robotic suits. Raphael was on fire: his exhaustion had flown off on the wave of adrenaline surging through his veins, and he cut down the Kraang with the ease of the first level of a video game.

“How soon can you get into the systems?” Raph demanded during a pause in the onslaught of Kraang droids. He backed up close to Donnie and glanced over his shoulder to see his younger brother typing furiously.

“Soon!”

“But how soon? Leo and Mikey are still fighting up there!”

“Soon enough! Shush!”

“Hurry up!”

“I said _be quiet!_ I can’t think when you’re yelling!”

Raph opened his mouth for a comeback, but fortunately for the both of them, two more Kraang arrived, distracting Raphael from distracting Donatello. A tiny beep sounded behind Raph when the last Kraang fell; he jerked his head back towards Donnie, who was glancing at his watch.

“Change the cartridge on your mask!” Donatello called, replacing his own cartridge in one swift movement. Raph followed suit, fumbling with the pieces and only just barely getting the cartridge into place before another Kraang attacked. He glanced across the room, and saw Leo fending droids away from Mikey as the youngest brother struggled with his own mask.

“Got it!” Donnie exclaimed, yanking a portable hard drive out of the computer and stuffing it into his pocket. “The external pumps are offline!”

“Great! Now take out the systems in here!” Raph ordered.

“Working on it! …Ignition systems offline…Uh oh. No! Come on!”

“What??”

“I’ve been locked out!” Donnie cried. Raphael looked back to find that all the screens displayed a giant pink “X.” Donatello typed in code after code, then smacked the console with a frustrated shout. “I can’t get back into the computers!”

“Keep trying!” Raphael snapped back. The Kraang around him had been dealt with, and Raphael found himself with more than a few seconds to catch his breath. Suddenly he felt his legs begin to buckle, and his arms began to fall to his sides. _No, no, no! Don’t get tired! Not now!_

Donatello continued typing for several eternal seconds. Raph looked back to the stairs, just in time to see Leo slam the door shut and bolt it. Leo caught Raphael’s eye and tapped his wrist, eyebrows lifting and kicking a Kraang in the chest as he did so. _How much longer?_

Raphael glanced back at Donatello, who was now yelling at the “inferior piece of Kraang trash.” Raph mimed cutting his throat with his hand. He then raised his brows and held up his palm, fingers together and thumb tucked in, the sign for “B.” _No good. Go to Plan B?_

Leonardo nodded, spoke to Mikey, and the two began to charge down the stairs.

“Forget it, Donnie! We’re going to Plan B!” Raph yelled.

“Argh!” Donatello kicked the computer. “Fine.” he conceded, seizing his bo. “Set your blasters on the second level of scaffolding. We want maximum coverage.” he said. “We only have five minutes before the dispersion ports open!”

“Right.” Raph bolted towards the massive gas tank. The huge metal pipes stretching from the tank to the outer walls of the basement were sealed—for now. Raph knew that once sufficient pressure had built up in the tank, the ports would open and the gas would spew throughout the city.

Raphael neared the scaffolding and jumped. He landed halfway up the supporting beams and swiftly clambered up to the top. Up here there were no Kraang. The only item of interest was a round viewport into the giant tank. Raphael frowned at the swirling gas and pulled one of the blasters off his belt. The fatigue was seeping through his muscles; his eyes squinted and his hands began to tremble. The blaster slipped, nearly dropping out of his hands and falling to the concrete floor beneath him. Raphael gasped, his heart seizing up in his chest as he tightened his grip on the blaster. He looked down: Leo was directly beneath him, setting up his own blasters. Had Raphael actually dropped the blaster, it would have exploded and—

 _FOCUS._ Raphael growled and flicked a switch on the blaster, powering up a tiny electromagnet Donnie had attached to its side. He stuck the blaster to the side of the tank, next to the viewport. He did the same with the second blaster. A yawn forced him to stop, precious seconds ticking away, but all he could do was merely stand there, fighting back the tiredness.

“Hurry up, Raph!” Donnie shouted. Raph shook his head rapidly, then flicked a switch. The blasters began to glow blue in response, and a timer lit up on both blasters, ready to count down Donatello’s three minutes. Raphael reached to start the second timer.

“What a valiant effort. I must commend you.”

Raphael whirled around in time to see a large man, clad in metal plated armor and a silver facemask, lunge towards him. Raph drew his sais, but was unable to even raise his arms before the man grabbed him by the front of his jacket. Two blades hissed out of the gauntlet on the man’s other wrist, one on either side of Raphael’s face. A third blade shot out directly between them, flying towards Raphael’s neck. Raph jerked his head back, and the blade stopped, resting on his skin, threatening to cut through should Raphael move his head the slightest bit. He stood stiffly, forced to practically face the ceiling. The Shredder glared down at him, and a swallow got stuck in Raph’s throat.

“ _RAPH!!”_ Leo’s shout rang through the room, momentarily halting all activity as even the Kraang looked up to the scaffolding. Raphael gripped his sais tighter and shifted his foot.

“Let me go!” he growled through clenched teeth.

Sheer hatred burned in the Shredder’s eyes, as if they were little sparks flying off a fire from within. The grip on Raph’s jacket tightened.

“Do you think you can stop me?!” Shredder roared to the four ninja. “The city will burn, and you will perish along with every pathetic citizen in it!”

“Let him go, Shredder! Or else this entire building will explode!” Leo demanded.

“You think your plan is unbeatable.” Shredder replied. “It is not. You will not escape so easily.” Raphael flinched, feeling the center blade on his throat shift to the side of his neck. The cold metal of a side blade pressed against his cheek. It slipped under the strap of his gas mask. Raphael’s eyes widened. He began to breathe faster.

The blade pulled on the strap.

Raph inhaled, the air audible and shaking as it entered his throat.

_Focus…_

He held his breath.

The gas mask was ripped away, a cold feeling replacing it on the lower half of his face. Before Raph could raise his sais, or even _think_ of doing so, Shredder punched him hard in the stomach. The breath Raph had been holding was forced from his lungs, along with a pained cry. Raph staggered and doubled over, coughing, choking on the bitter gas searing his throat. He squinted up at Shredder, who still had the gas mask in his hand. Raphael lunged for it, it was just within his grasp…

Sharp pain exploded across Raphael’s chest. Shredder’s hit sent him flying backwards. His back slammed against the tank before he crumpled forward to the floor. A step, then a _crunch,_ was just barely audible over his gasps for air. Pieces of his gas mask dropped in front of his face. Raphael choked and clenched his fists, pushing himself to one knee. Again he looked up at Shredder.

Shredder’s mask had warped so that it covered his face entirely under one smooth sheet of black metal. His eyes blazed as two growing flames that burned larger and larger holes through the mask. Beads of molten steel trickled down his featureless face and dripped off his chin. Raphael froze, still halfway to a standing position. A large metal boot connected with his gut and knocked him off the scaffolding.

Raphael twisted in the air and managed to land feet first. He crashed onto a few destroyed Kraang droids, crying out as he collapsed to the concrete floor. His back arched as he gasped for air, pain shooting through his legs and spine.

_Have to get out…have to get Mikey, and Donnie, and Leo, and get us out…_

Droning metallic voices shouted at him and grew louder. Raphael scrambled to his feet, detangling himself from the mess of wires and torn metal. Despite Leo having shut the door, the ninja were still threatened by the Kraang droids, human-Kraang, and the robotic Foot soldiers. Raphael backed into the darker corner of the warehouse, hoping to hide as nearly half of them approached. The droids’ metal bodies creaked as they raised their blasters, their expressionless mouths permanently slacked, zombie-like. He ducked under a shot from a blaster, only to come face-to face with a human-Kraang. It looked normal enough: it wore a yellow blouse and a black skirt, its hair pulled up into a fierce bun. But its face was set into a vicious frown, its mouth open in a scream. It snapped its hands, converting them to blades, and lunged at Raphael. Its eyes glared brightly, coloring the fog in front of him a sinister red. Raphael sidestepped, avoiding the blades and letting the droid pass him; he whirled and stabbed it in the back. The little pink alien inside it ripped open the blouse and leapt from its metal shell, screeching as it fled the mob of droids.

Raphael spun his sais and glanced around. The Foot-bots were black shadows. Their red eyes dimmed at will. Raphael lost track of one in the foggy darkness, only to have it reappear seconds later _hissing_ in his ear. Raph shrieked and flailed his sais, catching the Foot-bot’s sword with one and stabbing it between the eyes with the other. Still more crowded around Raphael, backing him into the darkened corner. He stabbed and slashed wildly, cutting down droid after droid.

“Raph! Over here!” Donnie’s cry filtered through the cloud of panic. Raphael whirled around, removing his sai from a droid’s chest and searching the warehouse for his brothers.

“Donnie?” he called, stepping forward.

“Raph, I’m right here.” Leo’s voice. Calm. To Raphael’s right, in the shadows. “Relax, buddy, I’m right here.”

The red-masked ninja turned, lowering his sais.

But.

It _wasn’t_ Leo.

“What?!” Raphael cried, taking several quick steps backwards.

“Raph?”

“What have you done with my brother?!” Raphael shouted at the red-eyed, blue-masked Kraang droid. “ _LEO!!”_ he screamed into the warehouse.

“Raph!” the blue-masked droid cried, stepping forward. “I’m _right here!_ ”

“Back off!”

Two more Kraang droids ran up, and Raphael turned so he could see all three of them. He gasped, eyes wide.

The two new droids wore purple and orange masks.

Raph suddenly remembered the Shredder. Even though he’d been adding Foot-bots to his ranks, there was little doubt in Raphael’s mind that his best warriors were still working for him. If Shredder had gotten in the basement, without their knowledge, then his Foot soldiers could have as well. And Raphael had spent the last few minutes fighting in a darkened corner, any cry uttered by his brothers no doubt drowned out by the droids’ yelling and his own screaming.

_No, no, no…_

“Raphael!” the blue-masked droid shouted, its robotic voice grating against Raph’s ears, hurting his teeth. His head spun and he thought he was going to vomit. His brothers were captured or dead. Shredder had seen Raphael take out a wave of droids and employed a different strategy. He had ordered three more to steal the masks off the ninjas’ bodies. Now masquerading as his family, they attempted to get him to lower his guard.

“I’m warning you!” Raph cried. “Tell me what you’ve done to my brothers or I’ll rip every wire outta you!”

“Raph!” the orange-masked droid cried. “Snap out of it!”

“ _Where are my brothers?!_ ”

“It’s us! Raph!” the purple-masked droid shouted, sheathing its bo and stepping forward. Raphael growled and shifted into combat stance, sais at the ready.

A metallic hand was placed on his upper arm. “Raph.” the orange-masked droid said.

“Heeeeyaaaaaaghhhhh!!” Raph yelled, whirling towards the droid, slashing at it with his sai. It recoiled, its red eyes  blazing.

But not before a sai slashed deep into its arm.

A scream ripped through the air as the droid staggered backwards, clutching its forearm.

The purple-masked droid ran towards Raph, bo swinging towards his head. Raphael ducked and punched upward, his fist slamming into the droid’s jaw. It stumbled, its foot twisted, and it fell, crying out as it went down.

“ _Raphael Hamato!_ ” the blue-masked droid barked.

Raphael turned slowly towards the voice. “This building is going to explode. And I will _not_ leave it without my brothers.” he snarled. “ _TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!”_

“Right in front of you!” the droid cried. It was pretending to plead with him. “Donnie!” it shouted to the other droid. “Take Mikey and get outta here!”

“Not without Raph!” Raph wasn’t sure which droid replied. His stomach clenched at the cheap mimicry.

 “Enough!” Raphael yelled, charging the blue-masked droid. Twin katanas crashed against his sais, blocking his attack. But Raphael recovered and again charged the droid. The fatigue that had slowed him on the scaffolding had disappeared; adrenaline heightened his reflexes as he fought for his life. Every muscle, every brain cell, now only had one goal: destroy the droid. His sais were a blur, knocking first one, then the other katana from the droid’s hands. It ducked under a sai and rolled just out of Raph’s reach.

 Alarms rang out suddenly, pink light flashing through the warehouse. Machinery inside the massive tank began to roar. Lights flashed from red to green at each dispersion port as metal began to creak.

 Raph hadn’t switched on the other blaster.

 The blasters had failed to sync, the countdown had failed to start, and the gas was being pumped into the city.

 Laughter echoed through the warehouse; Raphael looked up to see Shredder standing at the top of the stairs. He turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

 “Leo!” the purple-masked droid cried.

 “I know!” the blue-masked droid replied. It raised its hands, metal fists clenched. Raph feinted another stab to the blue-masked droid’s shoulder, which it backed away from. Raph braced himself on one foot and kicked the droid hard in the stomach. Its hands dropped and it staggered backwards, gasping, red eyes closing. It tripped and landed on its back.

 Raphael gagged and swayed on his feet for a split second. His lungs were on fire and  his throat had been ripped to shreds. Sweat dripped into his eyes and stuck his hair to the back of his neck. The droid pushed itself up on one elbow.

 Another scream tore through Raphael’s throat as he ran towards the droid. His right sai was flying in a stab towards its forehead. The silver blade was only a foot away—

 —but his hand was suddenly jerked back. A chain was tightly wound around his wrist. Raphael cried out as he was yanked backwards, and he fell hard on his back, his breath once again knocked from him.

 The purple-masked droid looked down at him, reaching for him. Raphael gasped and began to cough uncontrollably, eyes shutting in an agonized grimace as he feebly shook his arm, the chain falling off his wrist. He tried to get up, but his legs were cement. He tried to fend off the droids, but could barely raise one arm. The droids converged above him; he felt cold metal hands under his arms, lifting him up. Raphael squirmed; a desperate cry, barely audible, choked its way out of his throat.

 The world turned to black and he went limp in the droids’ arms.


	7. Chapter 7

Sixteen hours ago, Leonardo Hamato had lifted his bruised, poisoned, and unconscious little brother onto his shoulder and carried him out of the warehouse.

Fifteen hours ago, Casey had managed to steer the van through the snow and chaos and finally get them home.

Fourteen and three quarters of an hour ago, Leo had sat in front of Mikey, stitching up his baby brother’s arm. They were all in the lab, and April and Casey had had the harder task of keeping Donnie still long enough to bandage up his ankle. The junior doctor of the family had staggered over to Raph’s side as soon as he could, ready to assist Splinter in caring for him. Mikey had sat perfectly still, tears sliding down his face, his eyes fixed on Raph as Leo bandaged up his arm. Any comforting words Leo could muster up were ignored.

Thirteen hours ago, April and Casey had decided to brave the streets and go home to their families. April had texted Donnie a half hour later, saying that the police were slowly getting everything under control.

Twelve hours ago, Leo had simply sat watching his little brother. Raph lay on his side, eyes closed, facing Leo. His sprained wrist was purple and black. His breaths were mere shallow wheezes, barely audible under the oxygen mask and spaced too far apart for Leo’s liking. He lay perfectly still, the small rise and fall of his shoulders the only thing indicating he was still alive.

Eleven hours ago, the three brothers had been about to pass out in their exhaustion. Splinter had ordered them to get to bed. They’d helped Donnie limp down the hall in silence.

Alone in his and Raph’s bedroom, Leo had curled up in his bunk and cried himself to sleep.

* * *

 

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

The sound pulled Raph out of unconsciousness, though his eyes remained closed. He furrowed his brows and stirred a little bit. What _was_ that noise? It sounded like a fire alarm…but why was a fire alarm going off?

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Something plasticky was strapped to his face, and he smelled sweet air. He took a deep breath, which quickly turned to a wheezing gasp. His throat was on fire, and his lungs _ached._ Every breath felt as if he were being crushed in a vise. A tiny cry choked its way out of his sandpapered throat.

“Donnie! He’s—woah!”

Raph opened his eyes to see a humanoid figure—who’d been standing on a stool to turn off the fire alarm—look at him with wide eyes, lose its balance, and crash to the floor. Raphael pushed himself up, his own eyes widening.

The humanoid was none other than the blue-masked Kraang droid.

Except it wasn’t wearing its mask. Raph didn’t care; he ripped the plastic mask off his own face, wondering what chemicals those _things_ had been pumping into him this whole time.

The purple-masked Kraang was there also, and it too was missing it’s mask. “Raph?” it asked, stepping closer.

“Donnie, wait!” the first Kraang cried, picking itself up off the floor.

“Back off!” Raph croaked. He launched a punch at purple-Kraang, which it just barely dodged. The act of speaking tore at Raph’s throat, and his body shook with deep, sternum-rattling coughs. His eyes watered; it felt as if he’d swallowed glass. He squinted at the droids, one arm raised weakly in a cowering defense.

“Raph, come on buddy, it’s us. It’s Leo and Donnie,” Blue-Kraang said. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Raph shook his head, the coughs unceasing. He couldn’t _breathe!_ The world started to go black again. Blue-Kraang stepped closer, and Raph pushed it away.

“Want…my brothers…” he gasped. “Where are they?”

“Raph, I’m _right here._ ”

“No…” Raph choked and gasped for air. _Go away!_ he screamed silently at the droids, aiming another punch at Purple-Kraang, who’d tried again to get closer.

“Leo, we have to get the medicine in him. He’s suffocating!” Purple-Kraang said.

Blue-Kraang jumped onto the bed behind Raph and wrapped its arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides. Raph gritted his teeth and slammed his head backwards, his skull smashing into Blue-Kraang’s face. Blue-Kraang cried out, but did not let go.

“Leo!” Purple-Kraang exclaimed.

“I’m fine! Hurry up!”

Purple-Kraang approached again, holding a small spray canister. Raph ducked his head away from it, squirming and kicking and feebly crying out between coughs.

But Purple-Kraang dodged a kick and lunged at Raph. It gripped his jaw in one hand, applying pressure to the sides and forcing it open. Before Raph could try to cry out again, it sprayed cold, medicine-tasting air down Raph’s throat. He choked and gasped, involuntarily breathing it in.

However, the pain lessened after the medicine coated his windpipe. The invisible glass in his throat had vanished. His throat was still sore, but he was starting to be able to breathe again. Blue-Kraang let go and dove off the bed before Raph could hit it again. It grabbed a tissue and stood near Purple-Kraang, blood streaming out of its nose.

_Wait a sec._

Raph squinted at them.

“Kraang droids don’t bleed, Raph!” Leo snapped.

Raphael gasped and looked between an angry Leonardo and a pensive Donatello. The latter was trembling ever so slightly.

They weren’t Kraang.

“Guys?” Raph whispered, then cringed. Despite the medicine, talking was still akin to acid being wiped onto his vocal cords.

“Shh, Raph, don’t talk,” Donnie said, his voice wavering. Leo turned to the sink and rinsed the blood off his face.

Raph swallowed and looked up at Donnie. A purple bruise had spread across the bottom left side of his jaw. Donnie stepped closer, and Raph noticed that he was limping, his foot in a brace. Raph swung his legs over the side of the cot. He started to stand, but a wave of dizziness threatened to knock him over.

“Sit. Down _,”_  Leo ordered. He was standing by the sink, arms crossed, glaring at Raphael. Raph obeyed, gripping the edge of the cot.  “Where’s Mikey?” he choked, glancing between the two.

“ _Stop talking!”_ Leo barked. Both Raph and Donnie jumped. Raphael’s breath came faster. Had something happened to Mikey? He raised his hands. _Where’s Mikey??_ he signed.

“Mikey’s fine. He’s taking a shower,” Donnie said. But he was watching Leo with a confused frown.

_What about Sensei? April? Casey?_

“They’re fine,” Leo snapped. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “Do you have _any idea_ what you’ve done?”

“Leo…” Donnie began, but Leo held up his hand.

“How much do you remember from the fight last night?” Leo demanded.

Raph opened his mouth, but snapped it shut when Leo’s glare intensified. His eyes narrowed, and he swiped his hand across his forehead, ending the gesture in a fist. _I don’t remember anything._

“We _failed_ last night, Raph. Shredder’s fear-gas was let out into the streets, hurting hundreds of people. Because of _you!_ ” Leo was almost shouting.

“Leo!” Donnie exclaimed, but was ignored by both.

Raph glared up at Leo. _How is it my fault??_

“ _You_ hesitated on the scaffolding, Raph! I saw you!” Leo exclaimed. “And I know why, too! You haven’t been sleeping, Raph. You let yourself fall to pieces, you didn’t tell anyone you weren’t at a hundred percent, and _look where that got us!_ ”

_Shut up, Fearless! I was FINE! I don’t know what you think you saw. Maybe YOU breathed some of that gas._

“ _You don’t even remember it!”_ Leo shouted. “The whole city’s in a mess, and it’s all your fault.”

Donnie opened his mouth. “No, it is,” Leo snapped at Donnie. He turned back to Raph. “Why can’t you take care of yourself?!”

_I’m FINE!_

“Quit lying, Raphael!”

“Okay, you need to leave,” Donatello ordered, stepping between them. Leo turned to face Donnie, a retort on his lips.

“ ** _NOW!_** ” Donnie shouted, glaring at Leo and pointing the way to the door. Raph looked up. Leo clenched his jaw, shot Raph another glare, and stalked out of the lab. Again Raphael tried to get to his feet.

“You stay put!” Donnie snapped. Raph scowled, but sat on the cot.

Donnie went to the door and poked his head into the hall. “Sensei?” he called. “Could you come here, please?” He then leaned against the wall, sighing and massaging his temple with his hand.

Raph took a deep breath, fists clenched. Donnie returned after a few seconds, grabbing a stethoscope and a little light on his way. He sat next to Raph.

“You inhaled a lot of that gas last night. I need to see how bad your throat is.” Donnie said, his voice again soft and controlled. “Open your mouth, please.”

Raphael obeyed, and Donnie shone the light into Raph’s mouth. He squinted at his throat for a second, frowning.

“Hm,” he said, switching off the light.

Raph closed his mouth. _Can I go now?_

Just then, Splinter entered the lab. “Raphael!” he exclaimed, striding over. Raph looked away, hands clenched on the edge of the cot. If Leo had been mad at him, then there was no telling how angry Splinter would be.

But his adoptive father knelt in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. He gently pushed Raph’s hair off his forehead, checking for a fever. Raph looked up. Hamato Yoshi’s brown eyes were warm, concerned, and devoid of anger. Raph’s shoulders slumped.

“How are you feeling?” Splinter asked,

Raph shrugged. _Fine. Kinda sore_ , he signed.

Splinter looked at Donnie. “What is the extent of the damage to his throat?”

 “There were several chemicals in that gas besides oxycontin,” Donnie explained. “One of them was corrosive. The acidic properties of the chemical—I’m not exactly sure which one—allowed it to burn his vocal cords and the interior of his windpipe.” He turned to Raph. “You’re not going to be able to talk for about a week, nor should you try. You’ll just make it worse.” He smiled a little, patting Raph on the shoulder. “Sorry.”

Raphael frowned. _I couldn’t breathe just now. Why?_

“You basically had an asthma attack when you woke up.” Donnie said. “I need to listen to your lungs.” He stuck the stethoscope’s earpieces in his ears and put the circular piece of metal against Raph’s back. “Take a deep breath, please.”

Raph inhaled, wheezing a little. After a few breaths, Donnie nodded and removed the stethoscope.

“You probably have chemical pneumonitis,” Donnie said. “You’re gonna have trouble breathing for awhile, at least without the medicine I gave you. “

Raph nodded and turned back to Splinter. Their adoptive father stood. “I am glad to see you awake, Raphael,” Splinter said. “Listen to Donatello, and do as he says.” He turned to Donnie. “Michelangelo’s accident in the kitchen blew several fuses. There is no electricity in your bedrooms, nor is the heat working.” Donnie nodded and started to stand, but Splinter held up a hand. “There are no more spare fuses, so I will go out and get some.” He smiled at Donnie. “Please do not attempt to fix the problem yourself. We will take care of it when I get back.”

“All right.” Donnie replied. Raph smirked; he knew Donnie had been thinking of ways to bypass the fuses and get the electricity and heat fixed some other way. His younger brother stood and limped over to the counter to put away the equipment.

“How are your injuries healing, Donatello?” Splinter asked, inspecting the  bruise on Donnie’s face.

“They’re okay. My ankle’s a lot less sore.” Donnie replied.

“Good. Where is Leonardo?”

Donnie’s face darkened. “I dunno. Probably the training room or something.”

A memory hit Raph, a missing piece to the unfinished puzzle of his recollection. He was back in the warehouse, tense with adrenaline, and he his fist was colliding with someone’s jaw.

 _Kraang droids… I punched a Kraang droid,_ he thought. But then he remembered the person stumbling, twisting his right ankle, and crying out as he went down. Raph squinted at Donnie: the bruise was in exactly the right spot. Raph swallowed and looked down at Donnie’s feet. Sure enough, his right ankle was in a brace.

No…that couldn’t be right. He didn’t attack his brothers…

Did he?

 _What happened last night?_ Raph signed. But Donnie wasn’t looking at him, and Splinter had already turned to go. Raph reached out to his father. “Dad?” he choked, barely audible.

Splinter turned. “Do not try to speak, Raphael,” he said. “What is it?” Donnie had looked over at Raph as well.

Raph glanced at Donatello, then back at Splinter. _Donnie’s face…and foot…what happened?_ He saw Donnie straighten and run his hand through his hair, glancing between Splinter and Raph.

Splinter was silent for a second.

 _Did I do that?_ Raph asked, beginning to feel sick to his stomach.

Splinter nodded slowly, and Raph felt his face begin to pale.

“When you were exposed to the gas, you became confused.” Splinter said. “You mistook your brothers for Kraang droids. But you did not harm them severely.”

Raph hunched his shoulders and stared at the floor. _I’m sorry, Donnie._ he signed.

“Relax, Raph, I’m fine.” Donnie said. “All you did was hit me in the face. I tripped all by myself.” Raph looked up, and Donnie shrugged at him. “Really. Everything’s okay now. We’re all fine.”

Raph rubbed his eyes and sighed. Splinter regarded them both for a moment, then left the lab. For Raph, the events of the previous night were still far too fuzzy. He wanted to sit and think. His eyes began to drift shut.

 _No! Don’t fall asleep!_ he thought, recalling that awful morning when he’d accidentally destroyed the alarm clock. He opened his eyes and scowled.

“Um, Raph?” Donnie said, sitting next to him again. Raph merely looked at him.

“How long have you been not sleeping?” Donnie asked. But unlike Leo, or even Splinter, there was no trace of a lecture. Donnie was studying his face, brows furrowed in worry.

Raph shrugged. _I’ve been sleeping. Not a whole lot, but I’m not complaining. It’s no big deal._

“It kind of is, Raph.” Donnie replied. “Sleep deprivation can have serious effects on the body, especially at our age… How long have you been getting migraines?”

_I’ve only had two this past week. That’s it._

“Ten to one that’s linked to your insomnia,” Donnie said.

_I’m just a little tired! It’s no big deal!_

Donnie ignore this. “So, you’ve been getting migraines. Is there anything else? Insomnia has a lot of side effects.”

Raph looked away. _No._

“You sure? It’s okay, Raph. Seriously. You might think it’s not that big of a deal, but it already is.” Donnie paused. “You really haven’t been yourself lately,” he added gently.

Again Raph scowled at the floor. He was just so _tired_. He massaged his forehead, his eyes shutting.

 Donnie put a hand on Raph’s back and rubbed his slumped shoulders. “We can fix this, Raph.” he murmured. “I just need to know exactly how bad it’s gotten.”

Raph opened his eyes, thought for a second, then began signing, explaining practically everything to Donnie. How he hadn’t been able to sleep very well to begin with for the past few months. How he hadn’t been able to get much more than two hours since their first encounter with Shredder. How he’d been falling asleep randomly during the day, and getting migraines during the night. And, worst of all, how he’d finally fallen asleep for three hours, only to wake up paralyzed in his bunk, scared to death.

“That’s called sleep paralysis.” Donnie said. “It can happen sometimes with insomnia.” He thought for a second. “Sensei said the sleeping medication I gave you a few months ago didn’t work?”

Raph nodded.

“Well, that was just one try, right? I think that might’ve been a fluke.” Donnie said. “We can try again, and maybe try a different type. Okay?”

 _Okay,_ was all Raph said. He hadn’t told Donnie about the hallucinations the meds had caused, nor did he want to. If the medication was his only hope, then he had to see if it would work again.

Although Raph couldn’t shake a feeling of dread that swelled in his stomach.

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes later, Raph shuffled his way into the kitchen. Donnie had encouraged him to eat something, then get some sleep. Raph was all for the former, but he still didn't feel like giving in to exhaustion and risking another bout of sleep paralysis.

Soot coated the stove and nearby cupboards, and one of the burners was on the floor near the table. Raph stared at it for a second, eyes wide. He couldn't believe that this had been Mikey's doing—their baby brother was the master chef of the family. Raphael sighed and opened a cupboard.

"Raph!" Suddenly Raph was wrapped in a bear hug so powerful it nearly knocked him to the floor. He stumbled and braced himself against the counter, returning Mikey's hug with his other arm.

"You're up!" Mikey exclaimed, stepping back with a grin.

 _Yep,_ Raph replied with a smile. _What happened in here?_

"Dude, what's wrong with your voice? Why can't you talk?" Mikey asked, ignoring the question.

_It's from the gas. I'll be fine in a little while._

"Oh," Mikey glanced at the destroyed stovetop. "Ah, well, I was trying to fry up some veggies... and I spilled hot oil all over the burner."

Raph raised an eyebrow. _Be a little more careful._

"Well, _sorry_ , I've been a little stressed out lately," Mikey snapped. He looked away, fidgeting with his sleeve. "You scared us, Raph," he continued, before Raphael could say anything. "I heard Donnie talking to Leo...he said you might not wake up. He said you'd been exposed to too much gas, and that it was only a matter of time before your body just shut down..." Mikey's voice had started to shake, and he stopped and swallowed. "Leo was really worried. He didn't leave the lab except when Splinter told him to get some sleep." Mikey rubbed his eye; his hand came away wet with tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up, I just…got really scared…seeing you like that…”

 Raph pulled his little brother close and held him tight. Mikey’s smaller arms wrapped around Raph’s torso, his face partially hidden against Raph's shoulder. His breath hitched and gasped as he clung to his brother, just barely keeping back the tears.

“Everything’s okay now.” Raphael breathed, wincing at even the slightest use of his voice. But Mikey stopped shaking, and after a few moments he stepped back, again wiping his eyes. Raph noticed a bandage poking out under the sleeve of Mikey’s sweatshirt. Frowning, he gently caught Mikey's wrist and pushed the sleeve back, exposing a white gauze bandage that wrapped his forearm from wrist to elbow.

Again Raph remembered the fight in the warehouse. But instead of seeing a Kraang droid, he saw his little brother, blue eyes wide and scared under his orange mask. Raph could actually _feel_ his sai making contact with Mikey's arm, tearing through the skin. He heard the memory of Mikey's agonized scream as the youngest ninja had staggered back from Raphael, clutching his bleeding arm.

Raph gasped and let go of Mikey's wrist. He stepped back, catching himself on the counter and breathing fast.

"Woah, Raph," Mikey said. "You okay?"

Raph swallowed. _I hurt you,_ he signed, his hands shaking. The memories were clearer now. He had a much better picture of what he'd done to Donnie and Mikey, and it made him want to throw up.

"Yeah, you did, but so what?" Mikey shrugged. "You punch me every other day."

_That's not the same._

"Yeah, not really. But guess what: it's over now. You got confused and you got me with your sai. End of story."

Raph met his brother’s eyes. _I’m really sorry._

Mikey smiled. "It's over now, dude. Like you said, everything's okay now."

Sighing, Raph nodded. But it wasn't okay. He might be awake now, but there were memories still silent and asleep in his mind. He tapped his fingers on the counter and scowled into the distance.

"Sensei wants me to have this cleaned before he gets back." Mikey said, smearing some of the soot with his finger.

_You want help?_

"Nah, I got it." Raph nodded and began to leave the kitchen.

"Oh! Raph!"

Raphael turned and snapped his hands up just in time to catch a pudding cup, followed by a spoon. He smiled a little and nodded his thanks.


	8. Chapter 8

"What is your problem??"

Leo jumped at Donnie's voice. He'd been in the training room, fighting the empty air with his katanas. Exercising was a technique Raph frequently used to calm his rage, but Leo found it just wasn't working for him. He was too distracted to perform the moves correctly, which only served to fuel his agitation. He gritted his teeth and glared at Donnie, who was standing in the doorway.

"Raph just woke up from probably the most traumatic experience of his life, and you just sat there and yelled at him!" Donnie continued, stepping closer. "That is, quite possibly, the _worst_ thing you could have done. What is _wrong_ with you?!"

Leo opened his mouth, but was interrupted by Splinter, who had entered the room seconds behind Donnie.

"That is enough, Donatello," he said, though his stern gaze was fixed on Leonardo.

Leo sheathed his katanas and unbuckled the sheaths from his back, eyes fixed on the floor.

"Explain to me, one at a time, what happened when Raphael awoke." Hamato Yoshi said. Leo fell silent, letting Donnie explain everything.

Leo was struggling to put into words why he was so mad. He loved his brother, and a wave of relief had washed over him when he saw Raph's green eyes again. But then he had watched Raph choke and gasp for air, almost passing out again as he fought off his brothers in his still-confused state. Leo had had to hold him down while Donnie forced his mouth open, the two brothers hurting Raph to save his life.

And all of it had been preventable.

"Please explain to me where your anger is coming from, Leonardo." Splinter said. Donnie had finished his explanation, and was staring steely-eyed at him.

"He should have told someone he wasn't feeling good!" Leo exclaimed. "He shoulda told me, or Donnie, or you... I mean, I knew _something_ was up. But he's so stubborn! He thinks he can push himself through anything, and he _can't!_ He's always 'I'm fine, leave me alone,' and we believe him, except he's actually falling apart and..." Leo paused and took a breath, steadying his shaking voice. “I’m mad because he got hurt, and then hurt Mikey and Donnie, and it’s all because he didn’t say anything earlier. We coulda prevented this. We could have _won_ last night.”

“It’s not just his fault, Leo,” Donnie said. Leo glanced at his younger brother, who was now looking at the floor. “I think… I think we should have stepped in sooner.”

Leo turned back to Splinter. “I knew he hadn’t been sleeping well, but I didn’t know how bad it was. Did you talk to him?”

Splinter nodded. “Raphael assured me everything was fine. And at the time, I believed him.”

Leo scowled, resisting the urge to chuck his sheathed blades across the room. “Great. Just great,” he muttered, going to hang up his swords. “He just retreated back into his shell, like always.”

“Not anymore,” Donnie retorted. They both looked at him.

“He finally told me what’s been going on,” Donnie said, moving to sit down and take his weight off his ankle. He then proceed to retell everything Raphael had explained to him earlier that day.

“Sheesh,” Leo muttered, eyes wide. “That’s pretty scary.”

“It’s not something we can’t fix, though,” Donnie said. “I’m pretty sure those sleeping pills should do the trick—”

“No,” Splinter interrupted. “Do not give Raphael any sleeping medication. He’s been tormented enough.”

“What?” Donnie asked, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“I know your heart is in the right place, Donatello,” Splinter continued. “But when Raphael took the medication six months ago, he endured some very distressing side effects. The medications caused him to hallucinate.” Leo winced.

“Oh man…” Donnie looked at Leo, then back to Splinter. “I read about that, but I didn’t think it’d happen to him.”

“It is all right, Donatello,” Splinter said. He turned back to Leo, who was standing still, arms crossed. “We will help Raphael. And the first thing you can do, Leonardo, is to calmly apologize to him and express your concerns.”

Leo sighed. “There better be an ice pack in the freezer,” he muttered. “I think I’m about to get punched.”

Donatello chuckled. “Yep! Probably. You kinda deserve it.” Leo shot him a scowl as he helped him to his feet.

“I will return with the fuses in a few hours, traffic permitting,” Splinter said. “Remember what I have said. Both of you.”

“Hai, Sensei,” they replied.

* * *

 

Leo poked his head into the living room to find Raph sitting on the couch cross-legged and frowning at his phone. A sealed pudding cup and a spoon sat on the coffee table. Squinting, Leo could just make out that Raph was scrolling through news feeds of last night’s incident. Raph sighed and rubbed his eye, then rested his elbow on his knee, his head on his fist, and continued to scroll. Leo stepped into the room, and Raph visibly stiffened.

“Hey,” Leo said, walking over. Raph glanced up at him, then back at his phone.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier,” Leo said, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He took a deep breath. _Here we go,_ he thought. “I was just really worried about you. I mean, you really haven’t been okay, lately, and I was upset that you didn’t ask for help. I mean, Donnie says you’ve got a lot going on. We’re your family, Raph. We’re here to help you.”

For sixteen years Leo had grown up with Raphael’s outbursts. He’d endured verbal insults and physical fights with his hot-headed brother ever since they were old enough to walk. Sometimes it would be a snide comment that set his brother off. Sometimes it would be an actual injury during training. No matter the reason, when Raph got hurt, he got _mad._ Despite occasionally pushing Raph’s buttons on purpose, they’d all worked to help Raph calm down, ducking under punches and letting insults fly by them. Nevertheless, no matter how loud and violent he got, Leo had never been afraid of his brother. Leo braced himself for the inevitable flurry of angry sign language, and the possibility of having to dodge yet another punch.

But now Raphael was silent and still. He just stared at the floor, his jaw clenched. He wasn’t scrolling anymore; the hand holding the phone was white at the knuckles. Leo frowned, watching his brother’s barely contained composure. This wasn’t right.

Raph was hurting, badly. Something was tearing him apart, breaking him. Leo couldn't figure out what it was or how to help his little brother.

The silence became terrifying.

“Raph?” Leo asked, trying to see his brother’s face better.

Raph chucked the phone onto the coffee table, and Leo jumped.

 _You were right,_ Raph signed. _This IS all my fault._

Leo started to sit next to Raph. “Well…not all of it—” he began, but broke off when Raph got to his feet.

 _No. It is. I should have been stronger._ Raph’s hands were shaking.

“Raph, look, it was just a really bad day—”

 _No! You don’t get it! I let myself fall to pieces, I let myself get beaten by Shredder, and I let myself get so scared that I attacked my brothers!_ _And now the WHOLE CITY is a mess. Because I couldn’t keep it together for five more minutes!_ Raph was breathing fast. _I’m supposed to be the PROTECTOR of this family, and what did I do? I hit Donnie in the face, making him sprain his ankle. I stabbed Mikey in the arm—_

Suddenly Raph stopped signing and stared at his right hand. The purple bruise from Mikey’s kusarigama was just barely poking out under his sleeve. Raph yanked his sleeve back, exposing the blotchy purple and black bruising on his wrist. He stared at it for a second, and Leo watched his eyes grow wide in horror.

Leo remembered falling hard onto his back, his wind knocked out of him. He remembered seeing the pure anger on Raphael’s face, the rage blazing in his green eyes as he lunged at him. He remembered seeing Raph’s sai stabbing down towards his face and knowing there was nothing, _nothing_ he could do to stop it. His mind had frozen in terror; he hadn’t even been able to cry out. He _would_ have died last night, had it not been for Mikey hurling his kusarigama at the last second and jerking Raph’s hand away.

“Raph…” Leo said, stepping closer, knowing his brother was remembering the same thing.

Raph stepped back, eyes wide and scared as he looked at Leo. “I tried to _kill you._ ” he choked, his eyes watering.

Again Leo stepped forward. Before Raph could react, he wrapped his arms around his brother, holding him close. Raph stiffened for a split second, then hid his face against Leo’s shoulder. Leo could feel Raph’s shoulders shaking as he clung tight to his older brother. He had shattered. Leo held him as tightly as he could, trying to keep the broken pieces from scattering. The shards ripped into his own heart as Raph gasped with uncontrollable tears. Leo couldn’t speak; he felt a tear slide down his own face and he shut his eyes. For a moment he feared he wouldn’t be able to help Raph. All he could do was hang on, hoping his grip would keep Raph from falling any further into despair. Minutes passed as Raph continued to cry, each muffled sob tearing through Leonardo’s chest. It physically _hurt_ to see his brother in so much pain.

“You didn’t try to kill me,” Leo whispered, finally getting his voice after several long moments. “You saw a Kraang droid and tried to kill it. That’s all. You were still trying to protect us. I _promise_.” Raph stepped back, and the pained anguish in those green eyes broke Leo’s heart all over again. He kept his hands on Raph’s shoulders and forced his voice to steady, blinking back tears of his own.

“You’re still my brother, and I still love you,” he said, voice low. “ _No matter what._ ” Raph’s breath hitched as he fought back another wave of tears. Leo took a breath. “Okay?”

Raph swallowed, his breath still shaking. But he nodded his head and wiped his eyes.

“We’re gonna help you. Everything’s gonna be okay.” Leo paused, then remembered something. “And you also don’t have to take that sleep medication. We’ll figure something else out. You better believe Donnie’s on the case. In fact,” Leo forced a smile. “I bet he’s already thought of something.”

A tiny smile quirked on Raph’s face, and Leo’s became genuine as he hugged his brother again.

“I love you, too _,_ ” Raph whispered.

* * *

 

An hour later, Splinter still had not returned. Raph sat on the couch, arms crossed, Mikey sandwiched between him and Leo. Mikey was flicking through the channels on the television, a space heater keeping the living room fairly warm. Leo was reading a comic book as they all waited for Donnie. Raph’s throat had started to hurt again a few minutes ago. He forced his breathing to slow, irritating his injured windpipe as little as possible.

“I kinda feel like watching _The Dark Knight Rises_ ,” Mikey announced. “If Donnie would hurry up, bro!” He finished the statement by craning his neck and yelling out to the lab.

“Sounds good,” Leo said, not looking up. Raph gave Mikey a thumbs up, and coughed. One cough turned into two, then four, and suddenly Raph was coughing uncontrollably. His breath wheezed and his eyes watered as he struggled to get air.

“Yo, Donnie! Raph’s dying!” Mikey hollered, smacking Raph hard on the back. Raph couldn’t help it: he started laughing, which only made the pain and coughing worse. Out of the corner of his eye Raph saw Leo put his comic down and start to get up.

“Done!” Raph heard Donnie call. “Okay, Raph, hang on,” he said, limping over to the cough. He sat on the arm and put a hand on Raph’s back, pressing an inhaler into his hand. Raph sat up straighter and put the inhaler in his mouth.

“Just push on the canister and breathe in at the same time,” Donnie explained. “There you go, now hold your  breath for a couple seconds…”

Raph wiped his eyes and looked imploringly at Donnie. It was everything he could do to sit still and not burst into a fit of coughing.

Donnie glanced at his watch. “Okay, you can breathe now.” Raph exhaled loudly, the medicine having soothed his throat and lungs.

“Take that every four to six hours, till it runs out, and you should be good to go,” Donnie said with a smile. “Guys, scootch,” he said to the others, looking for a place to sit on the couch.

They’d started the movie, with Raph only barely following the plot. He let his mind wander in its exhaustion as Bane terrorized Gotham and Batman tried to stop him. Mikey went to the kitchen for a few minutes, and reappeared with a bag of popcorn.

“Is that the last bag?” Leo demanded.

“Maybe,” Mikey said, plopping himself on the floor in front of the couch, just out of reach of his brothers.

“Aw, come on!” Donnie exclaimed. He and Leo slid off the couch on either side of Mikey.

“Dudes! Get your own!” Mikey exclaimed, hunching over the bag and elbowing off his brothers.

“But that’s the last bag!” Donnie protested.

“So use the stove and make some more!”

“We’re out of the other kind. C’mon, just a handful?” Leo pleaded, reaching past Mikey’s elbow for the bag.

Mikey clutched the bag to his chest and looked up at Raph. “Raph, help me out here.”

 _You’re on your own, man,_ Raph replied with a tired smile.

Mikey sighed loudly. “ONE handful.”

“Yay,” Leo said, scooping up his popcorn.

“Thanks, Mikey,” Donnie said.

“Shush, Batman’s about to kick butt,” Mikey said through a mouthful of popcorn.

Raph scooted so that he was lying curled up on his side on the couch. His brothers continued to comment on the movie as they sat on the floor, pushing each other in their excitement. Raph sighed and let his eyes drift shut. His brothers were here, alive and well. He didn’t have to worry about the sleep paralysis. He was safe now.

But Raph didn’t fall asleep. Not yet. He lay on the couch just barely conscious of all that was going on around him. He heard the movie end and Mikey start to make a loud comment.

“Shush!” Leo hissed, and Raph was positive Leo had turned, seen him, and clamped a hand over Mikey’s mouth.

There was near-silence in the room after that. Raph felt Donnie’s slender fingers brush against his forehead, checking for a fever. He felt Leo drape a blanket over him, gently patting his shoulder. And just as he was sinking into the comfortable softness of sleep, he heard Mikey’s little whisper: “’Night, Raph.”

Everything was going to be okay. They’d try again to defeat the Kraang and Shredder; they’d try as many times as needed. His brothers would take care of him, and he them.

Raphael fell asleep.

 

The End


End file.
